


Guess I'm not the Loving Kind (I Just Wanna Get Some)

by seonweonsonyeondan



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fuck Buddies to Lovers, Light Angst, Light BDSM, M/M, Mutual Pining, Phone Sex, Shameless Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2019-01-19 00:29:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12399381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seonweonsonyeondan/pseuds/seonweonsonyeondan
Summary: Kihyun is totally, completely fucked by Changkyun. All he wants is for Changkyun to love him back, but he's convinced Changkyun only wants to get some.





	Guess I'm not the Loving Kind (I Just Wanna Get Some)

**Author's Note:**

> Title from 'Get Some' by Ghosted.

It’s difficult for Kihyun to remember exactly how he and Changkyun first met. He knows it was at a party. He knows he was probably just on the other side of too drunk, but Changkyun was cute and flirty and his shy smile when he pressed into Kihyun’s space made Kihyun melt a little.

Right now, though, Kihyun pushes Changkyun against the wall of his apartment, hand over the younger man’s mouth.

“You’re always so loud,” Kihyun grunts. He can feel Changkyun giggle before the little shit licks Kihyun’s palm. “You’re also so fuckin’ gross.” Changkyun just giggles again and pulls Kihyun’s hand away so he can finally, _finally_ kiss him. Kihyun likes this part best; when Changkyun desperately pulls him close so he can press his lips against his. He makes this little whiney sound high in his throat and it _does_ Things to Kihyun.

“We need to, _uhn_ , need to get to my room. Unless you _want_ Hyungwon and Minhyuk to see us.” Changkyun shudders and Kihyun stores that information for later. He’s seen the way Changkyun laughs nervously whenever they’re all in the same room. Kihyun should talk to him about it, but talking usually leads to Feelings and Kihyun does not mess with those.

They make it to Kihyun’s room and he promptly pushes Changkyun onto his bed. He straddles the other man’s thighs and circles his hips, relishing how Changkyun clutches his hips a little tighter. His jeans are too tight and it’s second nature for Kihyun to pull them off before skimming his hands up Changkyun’s torso. It leaves them both in their boxers and for Kihyun to enjoy the view beneath him. Changkyun’s flushed from the tips of his ears to his chest. He smiles shyly, the way he always does when Kihyun stares maybe a little too long.

It’s probably been way too long for them to be doing this, whatever it is. Too long without having a proper conversation about exactly what It is. But Kihyun likes the way Changkyun moans when he puts pressure on his clothed dick and the way Changkyun’s eyes get glassy whenever Kihyun does something he thinks is sexy. So what if Kihyun knows that Changkyun probably has no interest in him other than sex? Kihyun can deal with that. He’s an adult. His heart isn’t going to fuck him over. Not this time.

Kihyun chooses to ignore how his heart flips a little when Changkyun leans up and gently brushes some hair out of his eyes. He chooses, instead, to focus on what’s important here: the dick that’s currently poking him in the ass. The dick he very much wants to ride. That’s the whole point of this snotty sophomore being here. Not to make Kihyun more emotionally confused than he normally felt. Whatever. Time to suck a dick.

He shuffles down Changkyun’s body, kissing and nibbling the whole way down. He can feel the other man’s breathing speed up the closer he gets to the tent in his boxers. Kihyun grins and nips playfully at the dark fabric right over the head of Changkyun’s dick.

“Hey!” Changkyun swats at him. “No biting! We’ve been through this!” Kihyun rolls his eyes and licks over the fabric. That shuts Changkyun up. Kihyun continues licking the wet patch. Changkyun groans and threads his fingers through Kihyun’s hair. He doesn’t pull, not yet, but Kihyun knows it’s not going to take much more to get Changkyun to that point. God, he loves riling him up.

“Stop,” Changkyun begins through gritted teeth, “stop _teasing_ , Ki.” He pulls on Kihyun’s hair then, and Kihyun retaliates by sucking the head into his lips. The fabric doesn’t taste great and now it was soaking wet with both precum and Kihyun’s saliva. It’s time for it to go. He quickly pulls it down and off Changkyun’s legs and settles between them.

Kihyun lazily strokes up and down, up and down, enjoying how Changkyun keeps squirming. He knows what Changkyun wants but won’t ask for. It’s half the fun of fucking Changkyun. Even when he’s in full control, Changkyun still won’t ask for what he wants, instead making Kihyun force it out of him.

“Are you going to cum like this? Before we even get to the good part?” Kihyun tries to keep his tone light, nonchalant. It drives Changkyun crazy when Kihyun pretends to not be interested in what they’re doing. The dick in Kihyun’s hand pulses out some more precum. Bingo.

Changkyun glares at him and tries to sit up further on his elbows. “And what makes you think half a bj and a lazy handjob isn’t the good part?”

“Oh, well, by all means, feel free to get off any time you please,” Kihyun drawls. He makes his strokes lazier and watches how Changkyun tries so hard to contain his frustration. Kihyun knows his poker face is good; it’s only gotten better with fucking Changkyun.

Changkyun grips at the sheets, groaning and fucking up into Kihyun’s hand. It’s got to be a little painful with only minimal spit and precum to ease the way. Kihyun doesn’t know if he should try and stop him or let Changkyun finish like this. He feels hot, like lava is flowing just beneath the surface of his skin, threatening to burn him alive if he didn’t try and alleviate some of his arousal. He pulls his own dick out and palms himself, hissing at the contact. He keeps his eyes trained on Changkyun’s face; as much as he’s enjoying teasing Changkyun, Kihyun really does want to ride Changkyun until one of them cries. Kihyun _needs_ it.

It’s been a trying week and running into Changkyun on the way back from the library had felt a lot like fate. So Kihyun removes his hand and crawls on top of Changkyun. His eyes are glassy and there’s definitely a little bit of drool pooling in the corner of his mouth that Changkyun quickly tries to swallow back up. Kihyun smiles. He can’t help it.

Changkyun looks at Kihyun as if he’s never seen him before and he’s in utter awe. Kihyun swallows thickly, fighting with himself again. He closes the distance between them and hungrily licks into Changkyun’s mouth. He winces a bit at the bitter taste of stale coffee on Changkyun’s tongue. But Changkyun’s holding his hips flush to Kihyun’s and grinding up like his life depends on it. Kihyun’s definitely does. He can feel Changkyun’s fingers pressing against his rim. Kihyun fights it, but he shivers anyway.

“Are you going to get on with it or what?” It comes out a little more biting than Kihyun meant, but he’s impatient. Changkyun grunts beneath him before he presses a little more aggressively against Kihyun’s rim. Kihyun collapses onto his elbows, gritting his teeth.

“You feel kinda loose already, Ki.” Changkyun presses hard again; the little shit just wants to tease Kihyun back. “Did you finger yourself in the library?” Kihyun doesn’t miss the slight tremor in the younger man’s voice. He bites down on his collarbone earning him a yelp and a spank. He arches into the sting, unable to deny how much he loves that. Changkyun chuckles darkly in his ear.

“You always act so in control, Kihyun _hyung_.” Changkyun reaches over to the bedside table, already familiar with where the lube lives. Kihyun hopes Changkyun can’t hear how his heart starts racing once he hears the lube cap snap open. “But look at you now. To think I used to be scared of you.”

Kihyun groans as a lubed finger breaches his rim. Changkyun lets out a loud moan and his eyes are wide, trained on Kihyun’s face. Kihyun has an idea of what he must look like: eyes fluttering closed, mouth hanging open, a blush probably across his cheeks. He chooses to ignore the unreadable emotion in Changkyun’s face. They’re here to get off. And Kihyun is done waiting.

“You should still be scared of me, you shit,” Kihyun finally manages as he rocks back onto the two fingers inside him. Changkyun makes some sort of affirmative noise, too busy watching his fingers disappear every time Kihyun lowers himself. He’s also impatient, if the way he’s fisting his cock is any indication. “I’m ready. Get your dick in me.”

Changkyun nods and scrambles to roll a condom on. Once he’s lubed up Kihyun slowly lowers himself onto Changkyun. His body is so used to this that it takes no time for him to adjust to the width inside him. If Kihyun wanted, he could drop directly onto Changkyun’ dick, but it’s more fun to draw it out and watch Changkyun bite his lips and try to keep control.

They both sigh in relief when Kihyun’s ass meets Changkyun’s thighs. Changkyun rubs circles into Kihyun’s thighs, eyes shut tight. Kihyun pushes down the warm affection threatening to swell in his chest. He raises himself up slowly before dropping down quickly. The hands on his thighs stop their comforting motions and instead grasp him tightly. Good. That’s what Kihyun needs. Bruises and hickeys and frenzied fucking. Not whatever this soft shit his heart keeps yelling at him for.

He picks up the rhythm, trying to focus on how it feels to feel Changkyun’s dick pressing deep inside him. Changkyun lets out little moans every so often, surprisingly high considering how deep his voice normally is. Kihyun drops onto his elbows and rocks back onto Changkyun, whimpering each time. Changkyun meets each movement with a thrust of his own. The head of his dick grazes teasingly against Kihyun’s prostate and he kind of wants to cry. It feels so good.

Changkyun knows when to take full control, holding Kihyun’s hips in place and fucking up into him. Kihyun whines, burying his face into Changkyun’s neck. His nails dig into Changkyun’s shoulders, but he can’t bring himself to care. Changkyun likes a little pain.

“This is my favorite way to see you,” Changkyun groans into Kihyun’s ear. The older man has to fight a shiver, but Changkyun takes that moment to slam into him and grind his cock deep inside him. Kihyun’s eyes roll back into his head and he knows he’s a whimpering mess. Fuckin’ little shit.

“You look so needy, Ki.” Another slam into Kihyun. Changkyun reaches over and yanks Kihyun’s head up by his hair. His tone is reverent when he speaks next; “ _Shit_ , you’re so beautiful.”

Changkyun pulls Kihyun into a kiss. Kihyun feels like he’s flying a bit. He might be crying. He’s not really sure anymore. Changkyun takes his chance and flips them so he’s hovering over Kihyun. He laces their fingers together and pins them above Kihyun’s head. Kihyun is almost scared to make eye contact with Changkyun, but he does anyway. Through the haze of lust, Kihyun thinks he sees, maybe, something close to fondness. But why wouldn’t Changkyun look at him with fondness? They’re friends, sort of. Kind of. It’s hard to not be fond of someone who regularly sucks your dick.

Kihyun closes his eyes instead. Changkyun drops his head and picks up speed. He fumbles a little before grasping Kihyun’s neglected cock in his hand and starts stroking him. Kihyun is reaching his peak at an alarming rate. He blames it on the fact that Changkyun finally figured out the best way to make him come undone.

Changkyun’s pressing little kisses along his neck and shoulders, panting against Kihyun’s skin. It makes Kihyun feel electric or a little like he’s valuable. To Changkyun. His hips are getting a little frantic, meaning Changkyun’s getting close. Kihyun intentionally clenches around him and gets bit for his trouble. He can’t help but laugh a little at the way Changkyun glares at him, so Changkyun adjusts and slams in. Kihyun yelps then moans, feeling himself coil up a little more. Changkyun looks smug and Kihyun can’t have that. He clenches again and thrusts back onto Changkyun’s cock. It becomes a challenge to see who can make the other cum first. Kihyun’s confident it won’t be him.

“If,” Kihyun huffs, “if you cum before me, _agh!_ , I’m fu- _shit_ -fucking your face.” That does the trick. Changkyun groans, low and deep in his chest as he empties himself into the condom. Kihyun clenches a little, helping milk Changkyun. Once he pulls out, Changkyun shuffles between Kihyun’s thighs. He doesn’t waste any time, taking half of Kihyun’s length in all at once. Changkyun had always been surprisingly good at giving head.

Kihyun groans and drops his head back against a pillow, threading his fingers into Changkyun’s hair. He starts out gentle, letting Changkyun get used to opening his throat for him. Eventually Changkyun hollows his cheeks and takes Kihyun all the way in. His nose rests almost in Kihyun’s bit of pubic hair.

Kihyun gently pets Changkyun’s throat, feeling how his neck bulges a little from where his cock is resting. He gives an experimental thrust upward, watching for any signs of discomfort on Changkyun’s blissed out face. But Changkyun just breathes through his nose and sucks harder, making Kihyun’s hips stutter deeper into his throat. Kihyun gets the hint and starts thrusting, building up faster and faster. He forces himself to watch Changkyun deep throat him. To watch how his lips spread around his girth and how Changkyun looks like he’s enjoying this even when he’s gagging from how roughly Kihyun is thrusting now.

Kihyun’s close again. He knows Changkyun knows because the brat is humming and moaning around his cock and two fingers have found their way back up his ass, gently massaging his prostate. Kihyun’s hips jerk a little out of time and then he feels the coil inside him snap and he goes rigid. He doesn’t even have time to warn Changkyun before he’s cumming down his throat. Kihyun holds him there, using Changkyun’s throat to work himself through his orgasm. His limbs feel like jelly and his mind is pleasantly numb. He finally releases a very smug Changkyun.

“Sorry.” Kihyun’s having trouble catching his breath. He wipes some escaped semen from Changkyun’s lips. Changkyun snorts.

“You’re not that sorry.” Changkyun wobbles over and pulls on his boxers. He stumbles out the room and down the hall to Kihyun’s bathroom to wash his face and hands. This is the part Kihyun hates the most. Sometimes Changkyun will stay, but most of the time once they both had their fill, he’d clean up and leave.

Tonight, Kihyun really wishes he would stay.

He struggles to sit up, legs still not quite fully functional. There’s some tissues so he can clean most of his drying cum off, but really Kihyun knows he’s going to need a shower. He crinkles his nose as he misses his wastebin.

“Can you stand, grandpa?” Changkyun comes back into the room, still looking ridiculously smug. The bed dips as Changkyun sits down next to Kihyun and he begins cleaning Kihyun up with a damp towel. His touch is soft, almost loving, and Kihyun doesn’t know why he’s blushing. He wants to push Changkyun away, try and preserve his poor stuttering heart. Instead he pinches Changkyun’s bicep, making the younger man squeak in surprise.

“Is this the thanks I get?” Changkyun dramatically rubs his arm, wincing the whole while. Kihyun rolls his eyes. “I give you a mind blowing orgasm, try to help you clean up, and you _pinch_ me! Ungrateful old man.”

“If you weren’t such a brat, I wouldn’t have to.” Kihyun tries to hide his smile by smacking Changkyun. But Changkyun is grinning and he leans in to kiss Kihyun. Kihyun’s heart starts galloping. Should he pull Changkyun back close to him? Ask him to stay the night? But before he can make up his mind, Changkyun’s moving away, tossing the towel into the hamper, and pulling on his jeans. Kihyun watches, resigned.

Changkyun throws the sweats he knows Kihyun prefers once he’s fully dressed and gives him an expectant look. Right. Kihyun always walks him out and locks the door behind him. He stumbles into the pants and gets up. “You’re off, then?”

“Yeah, gotta get some work for Poli Phil done before I pass out.” Changkyun lingers in front door. Kihyun wants him to stay. Wants to ask if he just wants to work here. Instead--

“Ah. Yeah, you should. Uhm. Get to that, I guess.” Kihyun scratches his neck. It was never this awkward before. What the fuck is wrong with him? Changkyun throws his backpack on, gives him a peck on the cheek, and shuffles down the hall.

“You’re fucked, Ki.” Kihyun turns around when he hears Hyungwon speak. He wants to deny it, but instead he sighs and lets the door swing closed.

“How long were you standing there?” He walks into their kitchen, hearing Hyungwon follow him in. They’ve had a conversation like this before, but with Minhyuk backing him up.

“Long enough to see you give him disgusting googly eyes.” Hyungwon grabs something from the cupboard behind Kihyun. Kihyun winces.

“You can’t say anything. You and Minhyu--”

“Except that Hyukkie and I are dating. And are _in love_. We can give each other all the googly eyes we like.” Kihyun turns now to glare at his roommate. Hyungwon just shrugs in return. It’s not fair.

“I don’t appreciate being attacked like this,” Kihyun grumbles. Him and Changkyun are fuck buddies, that’s all. “There’s no _feelings_ in this, Won.”

“But you _want_ there to be,” Hyungwon unhelpfully points out before grabbing another drink and walking back to his and Minhyuk’s room. Kihyun makes a face at his back.

He wants to face plant into bed, but he’s still got work to do, even after spending his afternoon and most of his evening slaving in the library. He pushes Hyungwon’s judgements away for another day. Or never. Never would be better.

Kihyun sleeps restlessly that night, dreaming about sand filtering through his fingers.

Once midterms are over, Kihyun realizes that, _shit_ , fall break is around the corner and, _fuck_ , that means Hoseok is coming to visit them. He, of course, realizes this at the most opportune moment.

“Like, I know I’m into you acting disinterested, but, _shit_ , not to the point you’re going soft in my mouth.” Changkyun slaps Kihyun’s thigh as he pulls off. He wipes the spit from his lips and lies down next to Kihyun. “What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing! I just remembered something.” Kihyun avoids looking at Changkyun. He looks so soft and his lips are so red and bruised from sucking Kihyun’s cock. It’s honestly not good for Kihyun’s aging heart.

“Pfft, must have been something gross to make you go soft. If I recall only a couple weeks ago you came so hard I couldn’t swa--” Kihyun claps a hand over Changkyun’s mouth. The brat retaliates by biting Kihyun’s palm.

“Why are you like this,” Kihyun groans. Changkyun laughs and settles into Kihyun’s arm. This is nice. Comforting. But then the little shit ruins it.

“Sooooo, do you still wanna get off or? I could leave.” Changkyun sits up, looking ready to do just that. Kihyun’s gut wrenches and his blood runs cold. What the fuck.

“NO!” Changkyun freezes, giving Kihyun a shocked look. Kihyun hopes if he’s blushing he can blame it on the flush from being aroused. “Uhm, I mean. Give me a second. I still want to. If you want to.”

Jesus, Kihyun. This is worse than the first time they fucked sober. Changkyun just shrugs and starts stroking Kihyun again. Gently. A little bit teasingly. Kihyun pulls him in for a kiss, enjoying how Changkyun melts into him immediately. It takes no time at all for Kihyun to be back to full hardness. He fumbles for a second to find the lube and condom Changkyun grabbed earlier. Kihyun lubes up two fingers and gently slides one into Changkyun.

Changkyun whines when he feels the intrusion, letting his cock trail precum on Kihyun’s stomach. He’s absolutely shameless once he has something in his ass and Kihyun can’t deny how fucking sexy he finds it. It’s easy to press the second finger in. Changkyun pants heavily in Kihyun’s neck, letting out little whimpers every time Kihyun finds a particularly nice spot to massage.

Kihyun’s head spins. He feels drunk off the way Changkyun ruts against him. Maybe he should just get the younger man off like this; whining and whimpering, inches away from begging. But then Changkyun’s cock grazes Kihyun’s and he remembers exactly how much he loves fucking Changkyun into the bed.

“Are you ready?” Changkyun nods frantically before rolling off of Kihyun and presents himself to Kihyun. “Fuck.”

“Come on, old man. I haven’t got all night.” Changkyun gets a spank for his sass, but he just presses back into Kihyun’s hand. Kihyun lines up, gently pushing in. Changkyun intentionally squeezes around him when Kihyun is only a quarter of the way in. Kihyun spanks him again.

“Keep that up and I’ll think you actually like when I hit you.”

“Why do you think I keep fucking you?” The fucker. In Kihyun’s shock, Changkyun pushes his ass all the way up against Kihyun’s hips. Kihyun falls forward, not ready for the heat enveloping him.

“You really are a fuckin’ shit.” Kihyun bites down on the shoulder beneath; Changkyun shudders and groans. “You’re such a little kinky shit. I bet you’d like it if I called you ‘baby boy’ or ‘slut.’” Changkyun cries out when Kihyun says that and Kihyun hadn’t really done anything other than grind his dick deep inside Changkyun. Huh. Interesting.

“Fuck, you _would_ , wouldn’t you?” Changkyun shakes his head, but he’s biting his lip and his eyes are shut in pleasure. “Jesus. Okay. Well. _Fuck_.”

“Stop talking, _please_.” Changkyun rocks back and forth, impaling himself on Kihyun. Kihyun pushes the thoughts of face fucking Changkyun again, while calling him a slut or baby boy for another time. Kihyun starts out pulling out slow before slamming back in, the best way to get Changkyun to turn into a whining mess, scrambling to anchor himself. He laces his fingers between Changkyun’s. Changkyun immediately grips his hand tighter. Kihyun ignores how it makes his heart stutter.

“Right there! Rightthererightthererightthere,” Changkyun babbles. Kihyun slams his hips back in and reaches around to grip Changkyun’s dick. He makes that high little noise in the back of his throat and Kihyun knows Changkyun must be close. He does his best to keep his rhythm steady, his hand pumping at the same pace. Changkyun cums with a cry, but he keeps pushing back onto Kihyun.

“Come on, fill me up, Ki,” Changkyun whines. Kihyun curses under his breath and thrusts in quickly. Changkyun’s got to be sensitive now, maybe to the point of it being painful. But he keeps meeting Kihyun’s thrusts. Kihyun groans, holding Changkyun’s hips in a bruising grip before cumming into the condom. Changkyun sighs in relief when that happens and almost collapses onto Kihyun’s bed.

“Don’t you dare. You’ll make a bigger mess!”

“This is why I always tell you to put a fuckin’ towel down,” Changkyun mutters. “Then you wouldn’t have to change your sheets every time. ‘S what I do whenever I have someone over.”

Kihyun freezes in the middle of removing the condom. Changkyun is still sleeping with other people? Kihyun shakes his head. Of course he is. It doesn’t matter. They’re not dating. It’s fine if Changkyun wants to sleep with other people. That’s fine. Hoseok is coming to visit so Kihyun will be busy with him anyway. It’ll all be fine.

“Well maybe next time I’ll take your advice, Oh So Wise Brat.” Kihyun isn’t bitter. Not at all. “By the way, what are you up to for fall break?” Stay casual, Kihyun. He glances at where Changkyun is spread out next to the mess he made. It should be gross, and it kind of is, but Kihyun just feels fond.

Hyungwon was right. He is fucked.

“Dunno. I’ve got a big research paper I need to start working on. Plus work at the shop.” Changkyun rolls onto his side, sleepily looking at Kihyun. “What about you?”

“More or less the same. Seeing friends I haven’t seen. Might be busy.” Why is Kihyun telling him this? It doesn’t matter if Changkyun knows if he’s busy or not. But…Kihyun doesn’t want Changkyun to feel like he’s blowing him off. Maybe. That’s reasonable. Changkyun’s nodding, but it looks like he’s only half listening from the way he’s scrolling through his phone already. Kihyun sighs before going to grab a towel and replacement sheets.

When he gets back, Changkyun is already mostly dressed. Kihyun’s stomach drops to somewhere around his ankles.

“I’m gunna head. Otherwise I’ll pass out and I know how you hate that.” Changkyun sees the clean sheet and his eyes widen a bit. “Ah, shit, I can help you change the sheets if you want? Since it’s mostly my mess.”

Kihyun stares dumbly at the sheets in his hands before he nods. “I don’t hate it when you pass out,” he whispers, but Changkyun doesn’t hear. He’s already stripping the bed. At least he’s helpful.

Remaking Kihyun’s bed is a lot easier with Changkyun helping. Changkyun cracks jokes and tickles Kihyun. Kihyun feels so warm and happy he almost forgets about Changkyun not feeling anything for him. But then they’re done making the bed and there’s nothing keeping Changkyun at Kihyun’s anymore. So they say their goodbyes. Kihyun closes the door behind Changkyun. Looks at the state of their living room. And figures he can at least make the place look half decent before Hoseok arrives in the morning.

 

They’re all gathered around the kitchen table, listening to Hoseok regale them with one of his many stories. But Kihyun isn’t totally paying attention. He knows he should; it’s been at least nine months since he last saw Hoseok. He knows he’s being a bad friend, but he keeps thinking about the unanswered texts on his phone. Kihyun figures some of them are from other friends, but he knows at least two are from Changkyun. He checked before Minhyuk kicked him in the shin.

“So, yeah. That’s what I’ve been up to, more or less.” Hoseok rocks back in his chair, big smile splitting his face in half. Kihyun can’t help but return the smile. It’s always been like that with them, ever since Kihyun’s freshman year of high school. Hoseok smiles, and Kihyun can’t help but smile too. It’s what got them both through college applications. And now Hoseok is back, sitting in Kihyun’s kitchen and Kihyun can forget about all his problems for a minute.

“What about y’all?” Hoseok grabs another chip and looks around the table. “I know my life as a college dropout is fascinating, but I’ve heard rumors of Hyunnie here having a boyfriend.” Kihyun chokes on his drink as his roommates burst into laughter. Assholes. He needs new friends.

“First of all, he is _not_ my boyfriend. He’s just a fuck buddy.” Kihyun glares at Minhyuk and Hyungwon who are still snickering.

“Yeah right. You have puppy-dog eyes whenever Changkyun’s around,” Minhyuk casually throws out, waving a dismissive hand at Kihyun.

“Plus he’s here at least twice a week when you’re not sinning on campus.” Hyungwon picks through the chips to find the spiciest looking one. Kihyun’s face turns bright red. Hoseok raises his eyebrows.

“Now that sounds like a story I want to hear about.” Kihyun shakes his head at Hoseok and kicks Hyungwon from beneath the table.

“It _really_ isn’t. He just has keys to one of the media rooms.” Kihyun stares at his drink, wishing he didn’t blush so easily. Hoseok leans into his space, a lecherous smirk on his face.

“You were always one for a little bit of _risk_ , Hyunnie.” Kihyun groans and buries his face in his hands when Hoseok says that. Why are these people his friends? Why can’t he find new ones? He deserve this. “Am I going to meet this Changkyun?”

“No,” snaps Kihyun and pushes Hoseok’s face out of his own. The bastard just laughs and raises his stupidly buff arms over his head. “You are definitely not meeting him. He’s busy during break anyway.”

“Uh-huh, and that’s why your phone keeps vibrating?” Minhyuk snags Kihyun’s phone from his hands and tries to open it. Kihyun tries to reach over and steal it back, but Hoseok holds him in place while trying to peek over Minhyuk’s arm. Minhyuk fails to get past Kihyun’s lockscreen and for a moment Kihyun believes he’s safe. But then Hyungwon takes the phone. Kihyun pales; Hyungwon was the one person he told his passcode to.

Thankfully, Hyungwon doesn’t let his nosy boyfriend or Hoseok to see the texts. He just chuckles and raises an eyebrow at Kihyun.

“Not your boyfriend, you say.”

Kihyun grabs his phone back and quickly scans the texts. He tries to get his heart to stop speeding up in his chest.

**From: Brat (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)**  
You busy?  
_Received 1:05PM_  
Like, I mean tonight. Are you busy tonight?  
_Received 1:07PM_

**From: Brat (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)**  
Jooheon, me n some other people are sneaking into the bars. Would love to have some fun w my fave fwb before things get crazy  
_Received 1:11PM_

**From: Brat (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)**  
Kihyuuuuuuuuuuuuuun stop ignoring me. Look how cute I am.  
  
_Received 1:27PM_

**From: Brat (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)**  
Guess you don’t need some goooooooood diiiiiiickin.  
You know where to find me~  
_Received 1:45PM_

Kihyun shoves the phone into his pant pocket and drops his head to the table. He wants to die. At least the photo wasn’t a dick pic. Though if Changkyun’s going out with Jooheon that means he’s probably going to be drinking a _lot_ which certainly means a dick pic. Fuck. At least Hoseok is sleeping on the couch.

Kihyun can feel all eyes on him but he just keeps his head on the table. If he sits up he knows the teasing will begin again and he isn’t sure his poor heart could handle much more. After what feels like forever to him, his friends start talking about something else, leaving him to brood.

They spend the rest of the day in; Hoseok had to drive for about 10 hours in order to get there. Between smoking more than he has the whole semester and drinking more than he probably should have been, Kihyun is wasted. He's not entirely sure what time it is when he crawls into bed, but his phone tells him Changkyun texted him no less than eight times in the last two hours. Damn, the brat must be more fucked up than Kihyun.

He hears someone yell that they’re going to grab some takeout. He just yells, ‘Cool’ before opening the texts. Kihyun is suddenly very grateful he’s alone in his room. The texts go from flirty to raunchy very quickly and Kihyun’s starting to feel a little warm. Changkyun knows how to rile him up. Kihyun tries to pace around his room, but his body has other ideas. He takes a couple steps before he has to sit back down.

“Fuck me.” Kihyun rolls onto his stomach, rereading the texts.

**From: Brat (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)  
**Fcuk Kihyun Heonnie got me WSATED (Clinking Beer Mugs )(Clinking Beer Mugs )(Clinking Beer Mugs )  
_Received 11:39PM_

**From: Brat** (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)  
Kiki whrer are you?? Let’s do body shits (Tongue )  
_Received 11:42PM_    
Fuck I meant SHITS  
SHITS  
SHOTS!!!!!!!!!!! WTF  
_Received 11:44PM_

Kihyun can’t help snorting at those. Changkyun must be super fucked up if he’s calling him Kiki.

**From: Brat (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)**  
Kiki wyd? Come over.  
  
_Received 12:03AM_  
I’ll make it wotrhwhile, babe. I wanna hear your moans as you fcae fuck me. Kinda want you to bnd me over my desk n cum on my ass  
_Received 12:05AM_

Kihyun groans low in his throat when he gets to the final text. It was sent maybe 10 minutes ago. He should be annoyed that Changkyun’s drunk and sending him dick pics and most of the time he’d tell him off with a swiftness, but he’s also kinda drunk and kinda stoned. He’s rutting against his mattress a bit. He should be embarrassed but he can’t bring himself to be.

Changkyun must be in a bathroom somewhere. The lighting isn’t great, but it’s good enough for Kihyun to make out a few veins and how hard Changkyun is. It looks like he’s gripping it tight and he’s only unzipped his pants so he could pull it out. God, that’s hot. It’s even hotter knowing Changkyun must be thinking of him. Maybe. That’s what Kihyun’s going to tell himself.

**To: Brat (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)**  
Gdi Changkyun  
You can’t just send me that. What if I was out?  
_Sent 12:17AM_

**From: Brat (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)**  
But you werent. Right?  
_Received 12:17AM_

**From: Brat (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)**  
Come on Kiki don’t leave me hanging  
_Received 12:18AM_

Kihyun sighs and rolls onto his back. His dick is hard and throbbing from humping the bed like a prepubescent. His phone vibrates again, this time with a phone call. He stares dumbly at Changkyun’s contact photo. Changkyun never calls him. Never. How drunk _is_ the brat?

“Hello?” For a moment Kihyun thinks maybe this is a butt-dial; there’s only some heavy breathing on the other end. But then he hears a quiet moan and he chokes on his spit.

“Hey Kiki.” Changkyun’s voice is deeper than usual, raspy and already a little bit wrecked. Kihyun swallows thickly. “Where are you right now?”

“Uhm,” god, why is talking so hard right now, “at…home? But a friend’s staying over tonight.” Kihyun listens as Changkyun groans a little.

“So that’s a no on me coming over, huh.” Changkyun sounds like he’s mentally much further away than he is. Maybe he’s been hard longer than Kihyun knows. Maybe he went out and when he didn’t find anyone to go home with he contacted Kihyun. Kihyun shakes his head. There’s no point in wondering. “Kihyun? You there?”

“Yeah. I’m here.” Kihyun hates how his voice shakes a little. But he’s so turned on. He wishes he could sneak out, but if he did he’d never hear the end of it.

“We, ergh, we don’t have to do this if you don’t want,” Changkyun says, oddly more coherent than he was only a minute or so ago.

“NO! I want this but.” Kihyun has to palm himself to alleviate some pressure. “Where…where are you?”

“Why, wanna come help me take care of my problem?” There’s a bit of playfulness and maybe even hope in Changkyun’s voice. Kihyun curses under his breath.

“I can’t. If I’m not here when they all get back, I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“Ugh. Lame.” For a minute the only thing Kihyun can hear on the other line is Changkyun’s breathing. “I’m on the couch. At my place.”

“Is Jooheon home too?”

“Yeah. Think he’s passed out.” Changkyun whines the way Kihyun knows he whines when you press a thumb into his slit. “Fuck, Kiki, I wish you were fuckin’ me.”

“ _Shit_. You’re that horny, huh?” Kihyun quickly shucked his pants off and down around his ankles. He gripped his cock in his hand, almost fully hard just from listening to Changkyun, knowing he’s hard because he’s thinking about him. “You said something about cumming on your ass earlier.”

Changkyun whimpers over the line and it shoots electricity down Kihyun’s spine. “Fuck yeah, I want that. Kind of wanna cum on your face, if you’d let me.”

“Jesus, Changkyun. First wanting me to call you slut, now you want to cum on my face.” Kihyun’s hand starts moving quickly over his dick. Changkyun lets out a deep groan on the phone. “I wish I could be spreading you out right now. I love riling you up.”

“Fuck, not as much as I love getting you to beg,” counters Changkyun. Shit. Shit, Changkyun challenging Kihyun is hot. Kihyun does not want to moan at that, but he can’t help it. He loves when Changkyun decides to tease him. Changkyun doesn’t do it often, but it fucks Kihyun up more than he wants to admit.

“Kiki. Are you touching yourself?” Changkyun sounds desperate, like if Kihyun wasn’t as into this as he was he’d either cum instantly or be so mortified he might actually die. Kihyun chuckles as best he can.

“What do you think?” Kihyun lets himself moan when he applies just the right amount of pressure on his stroke down. Changkyun lets out a small curse and Kihyun swears he hears the sound of a cap being popped open. “Are--Are you fingering yourself?”

“Yeah. A certain old man isn’t here to do it for me.” Changkyun’s voice is tight, like he's doing his best to not give away exactly what he's feeling.

“I'm getting mixed signals here, Kyunnie.” Kihyun drops his phone and switches it to speaker. It almost feels like Changkyun is in the room with him. “Were you hoping to ride me or fuck my face?”

Changkyun’s only response is a long moan. “Fuck, I dunno. Both?”

“Christ, you're greedy tonight,” Kihyun chuckles. “How are you this horny. We hooked up like only two days ago.”

“Yeah, which was _two days ago._ ” Kihyun can hear the quiet sounds of Changkyun fingering himself.

“Do you think you could cum just from fingering yourself?” Kihyun imagines what Changkyun must be doing. Does he have one leg propped up on their bookshelf-turned-coffee table? Or maybe he's lying across the couch, head on the arm rest and one leg trying not to fall off the cushions. Changkyun whimpers again and it sends another spark through Kihyun.

“Maybe. Doesn't--not as good as when you do it.” They both moan at that.

“You're sure Jooheon’s asleep?” The thought that Changkyun’s roommate and best friend catching him in such a…precarious position makes Kihyun’s throat dry. But maybe it's the cotton mouth.

“Don't care. Shit, Kiki, I wish you were here. I miss your mouth.” He lets out a hiss, a sign Kihyun chooses to believe means Changkyun is getting close. Kihyun also ignores how his heart flutters when he hears Changkyun say that he misses him. That's dumb. Changkyun specifically said he missed Kihyun’s _mouth_.

“Do you miss how good I can make you feel when I blow you?” Kihyun shuts his eyes, moving his hand frantically over his cock. “Or maybe you're thinking about how I tease you?”

“ _Fuck!_ Kiki, fuckin’--. Shit, I'm so close, holy--” Changkyun’s moaning like his life depends on it. Kihyun’s feels more than a little drunk off those moans.

“Wow, listen to you. You're so _desperate_.” Kihyun is in awe. He didn't think Changkyun could be this needy without Kihyun actually being there. It's a strange realization; Changkyun wants him badly enough that he's on his couch, moaning for everyone to hear. Well, just Jooheon and maybe the room that shared their suite. Still a lot of people.

“Are you close, Ki? I don't think I can hold out.”

“Yeah,” Kihyun groans. “Yeah, I'm close. Let me hear you cum, Kyunnie. I wanna hear you.”

The fuck was this coming from. Kihyun is normally terrible at dirty talk. But apparently he's done something right because no less than a minute after telling Changkyun to let him hear, Changkyun lets out his loudest moan yet. Kihyun feels heat rush through him and then he's tipping over the edge, joining Changkyun in orgasmic bliss.

“Holy shit,” pants Changkyun. “Holy _shit_ that was good. We gotta do that again.”

Kihyun laughs quietly before reaching over to his tissue box. They're both breathing heavily and Kihyun feels more sober than he did when this started. He thinks about asking if Changkyun wants to hang out tomorrow. He doesn't want to go a week without seeing Changkyun. But then Kihyun remembers Hoseok and how perceptive he can be. He doesn't need to give his friends more ammo. He clears his throat, feeling awkward now.

“ARE YOU QUITE FINISHED CHANGKYUN LIM? SOME OF US WOULD LIKE TO SLEEP.” That sounds like Jooheon. Kihyun bursts into laughter. He knew Changkyun was going to wake up his roommate.

“Oh fuck, gotta go. I'll see you later.” Before Kihyun can say anything, Changkyun hangs up. He stares at his phone for a minute before sighing and getting cleaned up. Kihyun’s mind is still foggy from the orgasm and the weed still coursing through his veins. He can faintly smell pizza and hear his friends drunken shouts coming from the living room. He pulls his sweats on and stumbles out for pizza.

“So where is he?” Hoseok’s cheeks are stuffed with pepperoni pizza, a beer in one hand. He’s got a smug eyebrow cocked and Kihyun needs a minute to figure out what he’s talking about.

“Where’s who?” Kihyun still can’t figure out why all three of them look like he’s hiding something.

“Oh come on! Are you forcing Changkyun to stay in your room? Are you hiding him from me?” Hoseok strolls over the hallway and pokes his head into it before calling out, “You can come out! I bet you need some pizza after all that.”

“What the hell? There’s no one here,” Kihyun calls to his high school friend. Hyungwon and Minhyuk give him matching who-do-you-think-you’re-fooling looks and Kihyun finally gets it. “I’m serious, Changkyun isn’t here. You all went out and I stayed here! _Alone_.”

“Then who was moaning so loud? It definitely wasn’t just you,” Hoseok accuses while shaking a half-eaten pizza slice at Kihyun. Kihyun’s eyes widen just as he blushes, realizing they must have gotten back sooner than he thought. Which means they somehow heard some of--

“Oh my god.” Kihyun suddenly doesn’t want anymore pizza. The traitorous Hyungwon and Minhyuk just giggle uncontrollably as Hoseok stares at Kihyun.

“Were you--were you having _phone sex_ with your _fuck buddy_? Kihyun!” Hoseok’s face contorts into an expression much more befitting of a Southern lady clutching her pearls and if Kihyun wasn’t so mortified he’d join his roommates’ laughing.

“Oh my g _od_ , I am not having this conversation right now,” groans Kihyun as he sits down on the couch.

“He lives like a 15 minute walk away, dude.” Hyungwon barely tries to conceal his amusement. Kihyun glares. Minhyuk is glued to the back of his boyfriend and his eyes are so filled with mirth Kihyun is starting to worry for his safety.

“Not to mention that it’s not 1998,” Minhyuk helpfully interjects. Hyungwon nods sagely at his boyfriend’s statement. Kihyun rolls his eyes.

“Whatever! So what! I knew if I left you would have never let me hear the end of it.”

“Well, we certainly did,” Hyungwon says dryly. Kihyun would very much like for the ground to swallow him whole now. Hoseok doubles over, clutching at the edge of the table, laughing harder than Kihyun has seen in awhile. Why are they like this?

“Can we talk about literally anything else?” Kihyun has a feeling he’ll be covering his face a lot during Hoseok’s visit. He should have known this would happen; Hyungwon and Hoseok are shitheads at the best of times, but with the addition of Minhyuk, the trio become unbearable. And they never turn their teasing on each other, only Kihyun. He’s an easy target, always blushing at the drop of a hat.

But Hoseok laughs good naturedly and plops onto the couch next to his friend. “Sure, but just like, phone sex? Really? Come on.”

“He has a really nice voice,” Kihyun mumbles. He doesn’t need to explain himself.

“Oh, does he now, I couldn’t tell from his _moans_.” Minhyuk pokes Kihyun in the side. Kihyun half expects the asshole to be giving him a lecherous look, but his face is soft instead. It should be comforting, but the fact that Minhyuk looks soft means Kihyun must have done something stupid.

“Ugh. Whatever.” Kihyun reaches forward and turns on the TV and XBox. “Someone race me. I don’t wanna think about you overhearing me having phone sex ever again.”

Hyungwon mercifully grabs the other controller and they spend the rest of the night playing games until they all pass out in a heap on the couch.

 

It’s nice having Hoseok around. They’ve known each other for so long now Hoseok is almost as good as Hyungwon at knowing when Kihyun was too much in his head. Which is how Kihyun finds himself at a one of the student bars in the middle of the week.

“Couldn’t we have just, like, I don’t know, gone anywhere else?” Kihyun’s eyes dart around; he’s not sure why he’s nervous about people recognizing him, but he is.

Hoseok waves him off. “But I want to see what your favorite bars are like! And you always send me drunk snaps from here.”

“But that doesn’t make it my _favorite_ ,” whines Kihyun. He tries to grab for Hoseok, but he spots someone in the crowd. It looks a lot like Jooheon. Maybe he hadn’t spotted Kihyun yet. “Hoseok, let me take you to a better bar. Seriously, there’s one a block away that has a special on--”

“Kihyun?” Kihyun tries his best to conceal his flinch when he hears Jooheon’s voice. “Yo man! What are you doing here? Meeting up with Changkyun?”

Kihyun prays Hoseok is lost somewhere amongst the other drunk students when he turns to Jooheon, awkward smile on his face. “Is he here? I’m just here with a friend from home. He wanted to come to the infamous Hut that he’s heard so much about.” He scans the crowd again. Fuck. Changkyun’s spotted them and he’s walking over. When Kihyun turns to find Hoseok, his high school friend is already chatting up the bartender. There’s no way Kihyun will be able to convince him to leave soon now.

“Kihyun, what are you doing here?” Changkyun looks unfairly good. He’s in the tight black ripped jeans that make Kihyun weak and a white tee under one of his many flannels. A very similar outfit to the on Changkyun was wearing when they first hooked up. Kihyun really wishes he could take Changkyun home tonight, especially with the way the little shit is looking at Kihyun like he wants to eat him right there.

“Uhm, I--I’m here with a friend,” Kihyun responds dumbly, paying more attention to Changkyun’s lips. When he glances up he barely misses the way Jooheon’s rolling his eyes. Kihyun definitely doesn’t miss the smirking Hoseok at the bar, holding two cocktails in his hands. Changkyun rests a hand on Kihyun’s hip, bringing his attention back to him.

“Yeah? That mean I don’t get you to myself?” What the hell. Since when was this little shit so smooth? Kihyun blinks, shakes his head, opens his mouth. Glances back at Hoseok. Who has downed both the drinks. Kihyun winces, already able to tell where the night’s headed.

“I wish. I’ll make it up to you soon, yeah?” Kihyun leans in and gives Changkyun a kiss that’s far too gentle to be shared with a fuck buddy. He hears Jooheon making fake gagging sounds when he parts from Changkyun. Kihyun starts to walk away, but Changkyun grabs his hand and pulls him back into a kiss.

“I’m holding you to that, Kihyun.” Changkyun’s eyes are dark, kind of dangerous. God, why did Hoseok have to be here too? Kihyun nods sharply, ignoring the heat threatening to spread through his body.

He pushes his way to Hoseok, trying not to feel irritated with the whole situation. Hoseok shoves a drink into Kihyun’s hand when he arrives at the bar.

“Is that loverboy?” Hoseok nods towards where Kihyun had come from. Kihyun sighs and nods. Hoseok makes a noise of approval. “He’s cute. Definitely your type.”

“Shut up. I’m turning down sex to hang out with you.” Kihyun glares at his drink before taking a long gulp. “Really _good_ sex, might I add.”

“Better than me?” Hoseok flutters his eyes and Kihyun rolls his own.

“Don’t flatter yourself. That was once. And we were like, 17.” Kihyun wants to turn around and search for Changkyun. Or leave. Leaving is probably a better idea. The longer they stay here the more likely it’ll be that Hoseok will get too drunk to keep his hands to himself. Kihyun gives in and glances over to Changkyun and Jooheon. Changkyun looks mildly annoyed as Jooheon clearly tries to cheer him up with his terrible dance he learned from some Korean variety show. Hoseok elbows him.

“You really don’t have to hang out with me. You can just drop me off back home an--”

“No, I’m sorry. I want to know how things have _really_ been since you left school. I’m just. Kinda.” Kihyun downs the rest of his drink and shakes his head. “It’s nothing, really. Will you _please_ let me take you to a better bar now?”

“Only if you buy the first two rounds and tell me what’s on your mind.” Hoseok copies Kihyun and finishes his drink. He shoots a flirtatious smile to the woman behind the bar and loops an arm around his shoulders and leads him out. Kihyun tries to twist around to see if he can catch a glance of Changkyun. He doesn’t, but if he did, he would have seen the dark cloud that passed over Changkyun’s face when Hoseok pulled him close.

The next bar is quieter than the first, filled with mostly locals and grad students. The two friends slide into a booth with their beers. Kihyun wants to focus more on Hoseok, but he can’t help but think about how quiet his phone has been since they left the other bar. It’s not that Changkyun had been blowing up his phone earlier, but the occasional texts are weirdly comforting for Kihyun now.

“How have you really been doing since you dropped out?” It’s the question that’s been eating away at Kihyun for a while. Hoseok gives him a dry laugh and shakes his head.

“It’s been shit. Just tending bar and trying to dodge my parents’ calls,” Hoseok huffs. “Really, Kihyun. It sucks, but I’m a lot happier now. I’ll regroup and get back on my feet.” Hoseok stares into his beer for a bit. He sighs and then smiles sadly at Kihyun. Kihyun reaches out and takes his friend’s hand.

“I’m glad you’re happier now. I’m…I’m sorry school didn’t work. Er, well, I’m sorry nothing worked out. I know how excited you were about moving to be with--”

“Yeah, well, that’s life, eh? Things don’t go quite as planned.” Hoseok settles back into his chair, but he does look lighter than before. “So what’s on your mind? It has to do with that Changkyun, right?”

“You’re not very subtle, you know that right?”

“I’m as subtle as a train wreck,” Hoseok quips, not missing a beat. He waves down a waitress and orders another round of drinks for the two of them. “What’s actually going on there? Why won’t you bite the bullet and just, like, fuckin’, ask him out?”

Kihyun sighs and stares at the bottom of him glass. He doesn’t have a good answer for that. He wishes he did, but he doesn’t. So he settles on his standard answer:

“I don’t think he’s into me like that.” Kihyun looks back at Hoseok. His friend’s eyebrows are furrowed, confused, like Kihyun had just told him that he was in fact not gay as fuck.

“But he totally is?” Hoseok cocks his head to the side and takes a sip of his drink. Kihyun watches how he purses his lips. Changkyun should be with someone like Hoseok. Someone built, interesting, not with Kihyun. Kihyun’s just a place filler until someone better comes along.

“He’s not. He’s…not into dating.” Kihyun places his glass down with a little more force than strictly necessary. “I’m like, 99% sure he’s still sleeping with other people.”

“Then why’d you kiss him goodbye?” Hoseok raises a good point. Kihyun freezes.

“I dunno, actually. It just.” Kihyun blinks slowly, ice rushing through his veins. “It felt right.”

Hoseok gives him a sympathetic look. The waitress comes back with their drinks. Kihyun gives her a polite smile, but keeps turning that moment over in his mind. He’d kissed Changkyun goodbye. And then Changkyun had pulled him back to kiss him again. Kihyun had figured it was just because the two of them were so used to being physical with each other that it meant nothing. But it doesn’t mean nothing, not to Kihyun. He groans and lets his head land on the headrest. “I’m a fucking idiot, aren’t I?”

“A bit yeah.” Hoseok is so very helpful. He traces a ring left on the table from a past patron’s drink. “Do you want my advice?”

“Not really, but I know you’re going to give it to me anyway.” Hoseok grins widely at Kihyun when he says that.

“True. Anyway, my advice is to tell him how you feel. I’m pretty sure you may have already changed his mind.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not going to do that.” Kihyun takes another gulp of beer. Hoseok laughs and puts his arms on the back of the booth. Kihyun rolls his eyes.

“Do what you want, but at least consider the possibility he’s just as fucked as you are by feelings.”

“Gross,” Kihyun gags. “ _Feelings._ ”

Hoseok laughs again, eyes crinkling into little crescents like some kind of anime character. “Yeah. _Feelings_.”

 

Kihyun sends a couple texts to Changkyun later that night, mostly pictures of dumb things he sees while out with Hoseok. Changkyun doesn’t respond. Kihyun ignores the clenching in his gut when he sees the read receipts the next morning.

He does not pout or mope around the apartment with Hoseok. Hoseok, bless him, mostly just coddles Kihyun. He’s able to coax Kihyun out around lunch, with demands of brunch. Hyungwon and Minhyuk join them and for a while Kihyun can focus on something else.

They’re in the middle of a movie marathon when Changkyun finally responds.

**From: Brat (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)**  
Lol.  
_Received 2:23PM_

**To: Brat (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)**  
Ah so you ARE still alive.  
_Sent 2:25PM_  
What are you doing later? The guys are inviting you and Jooheon over.  
_Sent 2:27PM_

**From: Brat (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)**  
The guys or you?  
_Received 2:31PM_

**To: Brat (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)**  
What? Obvi me too.  
_Sent 2:31PM_

**From: Brat (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)**  
Sorry can’t. Promised a friend I’d show him around.  
_Received 2:32PM_

**To: Brat (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)**  
Oh, if you want we could all go? Maybe even get some time alone (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)  
_Sent 2:35PM_

**From: Brat (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)**  
Can’t. Sorry.  
_Received 2:47PM_

Kihyun doesn’t pout again. He doesn’t mope or feel sorry for himself. This is only expected. Changkyun probably met someone last night and they’re going out on a date or something tonight. That’s good. Changkyun deserves someone.

“You’re brooding. I thought we agreed that your brooding is confined to your room only.” Hyungwon pushes Kihyun with his foot. Kihyun pouts and glances over at Hoseok. Hoseok’s watching Kihyun with a blank expression, but Kihyun knows his friend is thinking about their conversation from last night.

“I’m not brooding.” Kihyun picks up his mug and sips on the hot chocolate. “I’m just.” He gestures vaguely at nothing.

“You’re brooding. Just don’t do it so loudly.” Hyungwon munches on some chips and generally ignores Kihyun. Minhyuk gives him a sympathetic pat on the arm and goes back to cuddling his boyfriend.

Hoseok gets up and grabs Kihyun, dragging him to Kihyun’s bedroom. He pushes Kihyun onto his bed and shuts the door behind them.

“Hoseok?” Kihyun’s beginning to become a little concerned for his wellbeing.

“What did he say?”

“What?”

“Changkyun. He must’ve said something. You were fine for the first half of the movie, but now you’re all gross and pouty again.” Hoseok sits down next to Kihyun and holds his hand out. Kihyun stares at it blankly. “Phone. Please.”

Kihyun dumbly hands it over and watches as Hoseok expertly unlocks it. “Hey! You remembered my passcode?”

“Well, obviously. You haven’t changed it since you got a smartphone five years ago,” Hoseok mumbles as he scrolls through the texts with Changkyun. Kihyun knows better than to try and stop Hoseok from snooping. It’s too late for that anyway. Kihyun picks at his jeans and tries not to think about anything.

He’s pulled from his thoughts when Hoseok slaps him upside the head. “I swear to god Kihyun, you’re as thick as ever.”

“What the hell?” Kihyun holds the back of his head as he whines in pain. Hoseok shoves the phone back to Kihyun.

“You don’t deserve Changkyun, that poor boy putting up with your bullshit for like six months already.” Hoseok sighs and rubs Kihyun’s back gently. “Sorry for hitting you. But you’re an idiot.”

“Apology not accepted. What the hell, Seok?”

“Kihyun, Changkyun is clearly into you. And you just insist on beating yourself up and being _blind_ to how head over heels this kid is for you.” Hoseok looks absolutely exasperated. Kihyun shakes his head, disbelieving.

“He isn't though. He just wants to get some.” Kihyun scrolls through their texts. What was Hoseok seeing that he wasn't?

“Kihyun, buddy, I'm telling you.” Hoseok holds Kihyun by the shoulders, face oddly serious. “That kids likes you. Otherwise he wouldn't have stuck around.”

“Then….what should I do?” Hope bubbles up in Kihyun’s chest. Hoseok wouldn't lie--he's only ever seen Kihyun and Changkyun together once and if that was enough to convince him….

Maybe Kihyun won't have to push Changkyun away after all.

“Tell him. He's only being distant because he probably thinks the same thing you do.” Hoseok sighs. “Stop letting the past hold you back, Ki.”

Kihyun nods, letting his thumb trace the edge of his phone. Hoseok’s right. He needs to stop the voice in his head stop him from going after what he wants. And what he wants is Changkyun.

 

The next few days Kihyun doesn't hear from Changkyun much, even if he's reaching out more than he usually does. It bothers him, which is no surprise, but he does his best to be a good friend to Hoseok. Besides, spending so much time with his friends helps him stop thinking about Changkyun, even if it’s not for long. They decide it is time for another night out, this time with the roommates coming along. Minhyuk insists on pregaming before heading over to one of the few bars that with good dancing on Thursdays.

Kihyun has a decent buzz going, the kind that tells him he should _definitely_ dance dirty to this early 2000s Britney Spears song like he’s being paid to do it. The bass rumbles through his bones. He feels good. Better than he’s felt in days. He’s not the least bit surprised when he looks up and sees Hoseok already glued to some beefy looking guy. Kihyun lets himself wonder if that beefcake was even into guys. Knowing Hoseok, he probably wasn’t, and that was half the fun for Hoseok.

He looks for Hyungwon and Minhyuk and finds the couple by one of the stages. Well, Hyungwon is by a stage. Minhyuk on the other hand is double fisting some ridiculously bright colored drinks and shaking his ass on top of the stage. Hyungwon looks somewhere between mortified and proud. Typical.

Kihyun figures now’s a good time as any to try and flirt a drink out of someone. He weaves his way through the pulsing crowd back to the bar. He wants something strong. Something that’ll keep this pleasant buzz going so he can keep dancing without his usual hangups. Dancing with Changkyun is nice. He can do that sober. Man, he wishes Changkyun was with him now.

Kihyun plants his palms on sticky bar and leans forward, hoping to catch the eye of one of the bartenders. Ugh, why does he have to be short. Someone jostles him a bit and he almost loses his balance when someone catches him.

“Whoa, you okay, cutie?” The voice is deep and familiar. The arm that caught Kihyun hasn’t let him go yet. Kihyun frowns and turns towards the voice. He comes face to face with Changkyun.

“Kyun?” Changkyun blinks in confusion, but instead of looking repulsed the way Kihyun half expects, he pulls Kihyun closer to him. His arm moves to Kihyun’s hip, his thumb rubbing maddening circles over Kihyun’s shirt.

“Well, would you look at that,” slurs Changkyun. “It’s my Kiki. All dressed up pretty ‘nd shit.”

Kihyun tries to suppress the jolt of happiness. _My Kiki_. Changkyun licks his lips, eyes hooded. It’s more than obvious Changkyun’s had more than enough to drink. Kihyun holds onto him. “You know how I feel about being called ‘Kiki.’”

“Mmm? And what’s that?” Changkyun’s staring at Kihyun’s lips. God, Kihyun wants to close the distance between them. He wants everyone else in the room to disappear and leave the two of them together. Kihyun wants Changkyun.

“I--” Kihyun swallows slowly. Changkyun’s eyes follow the motion. “I don’t like it.”

Changkyun leans in, letting his lips brush against the shell of Kihyun’s ear, breath puffing over his skin. “Didn’t seem like it a week ago.”

Kihyun grips Changkyun’s hips and tries to ignore how badly he wants. Just _wants_. Changkyun hasn’t moved from his spot next to Kihyun’s neck. His breath keeps fanning over Kihyun’s rapidly heating skin. It’s like he’s waiting for Kihyun to make the next move. Well, if that’s what he’s waiting for, the little shit will get it.

Kihyun turns his head to kiss Changkyun, but before their lips meet, Changkyun’s being dragged away by a guy Kihyun’s never seen before. Holy shit, this guy is _hot_. He’s tan and taller than Kihyun and he’s probably broader than Hoseok and Hoseok is the most built guy Kihyun knows. His muscle tee does a good job of showing off what must be a lot of dedication to the gym.

Kihyun blinks dumbly. Changkyun still looks like he’s trying to kiss Kihyun and if Kihyun wasn’t so blindsided by the newcomer, he’d be laughing at the brat. Changkyun shakes his head, as if to clear the fog in his mind, and turns to the guy.

“What the hell, hyung?” Oh that’s right. Changkyun’s family is more traditional. Wait. Is…Is this dude _actually_ Changkyun’s brother? Or is he just. A friend? That’s a thing right? He looks more like Jooheon than Changkyun. Oh, hell. Kihyun isn’t drunk enough for this. Changkyun tries to shake the guy off. “What are you doing? I thought you were talking to that girl!”

“You’re drunk, Changkyun. You shouldn’t be doing anything you’ll regret.” The guy’s face is serious, kind. Kihyun rolls his eyes and signals to the bartender. He gets himself two shots. If he’s going to survive getting cockblocked by Changkyun’s maybe-older-brother, Kihyun’s going to need more liquor.

“Oh my god, Hyunwoo. It’s just Kihyun!” Changkyun points at Kihyun who wobbles a little on his feet. The guy--Hyunwoo--frowns when he looks at Kihyun. It’s like he’s trying to assess whether or not Kihyun is worthy of Changkyun. Kihyun is not here for this shit. Kihyun wants to either get on his knees and suck Changkyun dry or go back to dancing. He goes with the latter. Kihyun, _out_.

Kihyun pushes his way back to the dancefloor. He spots Hoseok, front pressed against a terrified, but definitely into it, guy. The DJ plays something Kihyun kind of recognizes so he lets himself get carried away with the beat. He’s not a great dancer; Hoseok was always the one who knew how to move. But Kihyun loves the way it feels when his body is flush with liquor and the beat compels him to move. Time to dance and forget that Changkyun is here with some hot as fuck guy who may or may not be more than a friend, or maybe related to him. Kihyun doesn’t want to think about it. Doesn’t want to think in general.

Some hands come to rest on his hips and pull him against a familiar torso. Kihyun smirks to himself as he grinds his ass back, enjoying how the hands hold him tight. He turns around and mentally sighs in relief. “Shook off your big bro?”

Changkyun rolls his eyes, pulling Kihyun closer. “He’s not really my brother. Just a friend.”

“You sure about that?” What the hell, Kihyun? Whatever, the question’s already been asked. Besides, Changkyun is here, with him, instead of with Mr. Spends-All-My-Time-in-the-Gym. Changkyun chuckles darkly.

“Since when did you care?” Well, that hurts. Kihyun wants to make a comment, maybe say he’s _always_ cared. But Changkyun kisses him and that soothes him a bit. Normally it’s Changkyun melting into Kihyun, but tonight it’s the other way around. “God, I’ve missed that.”

“Me too.” _I’ve missed you_ , is what Kihyun really wants to say, but they’re kissing again and Kihyun just wants this. He’s willing to take what he can get. Changkyun kisses him like this is the last time, grinding his groin against Kihyun’s. Kihyun feels dizzy with the stimulation. Changkyun grips his ass, nips his lower lip, moans when Kihyun bites and sucks the little shit’s tongue into his mouth. “Kiki, come home with me. _Please_ , I need you, Kihyun.”

Kihyun knows he’s nodding before Changkyun’s even finished his question. He glances around the club; Hoseok and his hottie are making out in a corner, Hyungwon and Minhyuk are nowhere to be found. Fuck it. He’s going home with Changkyun. “Let’s go.”

The walk to Changkyun’s building takes longer than strictly necessary, but Kihyun can’t keep his hands and mouth off the younger man. Kihyun wants to blame the alcohol. It’s definitely not the alcohol that makes him press Changkyun against a wall and run his hands up Changkyun’s torso, making him shiver.

“I wanna taste you right now,” he mutters into the skin of Changkyun’s collarbones. Changkyun groans and knocks his head against the wall. Kihyun ruts against Changkyun’s thigh, letting him feel just how turned on he is. “I missed you--missed your cock.”

“Shit, Ki.” Changkyun drags him into a sloppy kiss that’s more spit than lips. Kihyun usually hates that kind of kiss, but right now it just sends more blood racing south. “Come on, come on. Not here, someone’ll see.”

Kihyun has half a mind to ignore him and just pull Changkyun into a darker spot, but ground is pretty hard and if Kihyun’s going to be on his knees, the cheap carpet in the dorm is lightyears better than the cold, cracked concrete. Changkyun keeps a possessive hand around his waist the rest of the way.

When the elevator doors slide closed, Changkyun shoves Kihyun against one of the walls. He bites hard on the sensitive spot behind Kihyun’s ear and Kihyun arches his back. He lets out a surprised keen, shoving his hands into the back pockets of Changkyun’s jeans. Kihyun can feel Changkyun’s hardening dick pressing up against Kihyun’s inner thigh.

“Jooheon’s not home, right?” Kihyun nibbles on Changkyun’s collarbone again, loving how Changkyun reacts. He can’t wait to be so much closer.

“Nah,” Changkyun grunts. “He’s out with the rest of the suite.”

Kihyun pulls away and lets a slow smirk spread across his face. “Well, aren’t we lucky then?”

Changkyun returns the smirk and then the elevator dings. Changkyun pulls him down the hall, hand never leaving Kihyun’s. He fumbles in his jacket looking for the keys for a minute. Kihyun’s impatient; he winds his hands around Changkyun’s front and digs the heel of his palm into the bulge there.

“Fuckin’--I thought I was the thirsty one in this relationship,” Changkyun moans out. The door swings open and they’ve barely stepped inside before the brat’s pushing Kihyun’s shirt up around his armpits and latching his mouth onto a nipple. Shit, Kihyun _really_ missed Changkyun’s mouth. Kihyun shucks off his jacket before doing the same to Changkyun. He can feel Changkyun laughing against his skin.

They stumble into Changkyun’s room, not bothering checking which bed they fall into. They kiss for a while, all the hunger still present, even though Kihyun is sure neither one of them is as drunk as they were when they started walking. Changkyun thrusts down onto Kihyun’s lap, moaning into the other man’s mouth.

“Too many clothes,” Kihyun finally pants out, tugging on Changkyun’s pants. “Take them off.”

“Hold on, hold on.” Changkyun hops off the bed and tries to tug his jeans off. Kihyun shimmies out of his and throws them somewhere in the room. Changkyun is back on top of him in no time, pressing Kihyun into the mattress so there’s barely any space between their bodies.

Kihyun keens, rutting up into Changkyun, relishing how their bodies slip and slide together. It chafes a bit at his cock, with very little to lessen the friction, but that’s what Kihyun needs right now. He wants Changkyun to mark him, make it hurt more than they normally do. Kihyun wants to feel the ghost of Changkyun for days to come.

“Kyun…” Kihyun lets out another moan, “ _Changkyun_ , please, I need you to fuck me.”

“Fuck, okay, shit. Lemme just--” Changkyun rummages around for a condom and lube. Then freezes. “Oh fuck.”

“Changkyun.” Kihyun does not like his tone.

“Uhm. I think we’re on Jooheon’s bed.” Kihyun groans and shoves Changkyun off the bed. Of fucking course. He drags Changkyun to the right bed. Changkyun pulls out a condom and some lube and kisses Kihyun. “God, Ki, I really, really missed this.”

Changkyun runs his hands up Kihyun’s thighs, eyes wide and almost reverent. Kihyun shivers under his gaze, feeling more vulnerable than ever before. Changkyun starts by pressing gentle kisses into the sensitive skin as Kihyun trembles in his hold. Kihyun tugs gently on Changkyun’s hair and breathes a shuddery breath. Then Changkyun starts biting and sucking, leaving marks in Kihyun’s skin.

“God, yes, _more_ , leave more, Kyunnie.” Changkyun looks up at Kihyun, a bit of his thigh still between his teeth. Kihyun groans and pulls on the younger man’s hair. Changkyun gets the message and sucks on the skin more. Kihyun tries to keep his hips from jumping, but fails.

“Damn, you like this?” Changkyun presses a thumb into one of the hickies. Kihyun lets out a high pitched mewl, back arching off the mattress. “Holy shit, you do. Holy fuck, you’re so hot.”

Changkyun climbs back on top of Kihyun, kissing him deeply. Kihyun still has his fingers tangled in Changkyun’s hair and he loves this. Loves how it feels to have Changkyun between his legs, how they fit together. Loves how Changkyun is groaning and whining into the kiss, warming up the lube on his fingers.

Kihyun only breaks the kiss once the first finger breaches his rim. He belatedly realizes he hasn’t prepped or cleaned himself and he tries to tug Changkyun’s hand away. The brat has other ideas.

“Changkyun, I swear to god, I haven’t cleaned in like three days.” Kihyun gives another tug, but Changkyun bites Kihyun’s pec. “You fuckin’ brat! _Fuck_.”

“Sex towel,” Changkyun mutters, hand still pumping in and out of Kihyun. Kihyun frowns, trying not to think about who else Changkyun might have been fucking open on this towel. “It’s clean. Haven’t had to use it since we’re usually at yours.”

Changkyun speaks directly into Kihyun’s skin, letting his lips and teeth catch with every word. Kihyun shivers while his brain belatedly catches up with what Changkyun just said. He hasn’t had to use it? Because they usually fuck at Kihyun’s? There’s something Kihyun is missing and it feels so obvious and he could _just_ put his finger on it--

“Oh _shit_ , there! Right there!” Kihyun can’t process anything with the way the brat between his legs is massaging his prostate. Changkyun chuckles and goes to work on sucking another mark into the already spotted skin of Kihyun’s thighs. If he keeps this up, Kihyun is sure he’s going to cum. “Kyun, stop. _Stop_ , Changkyun!”

Changkyun is off him and holding Kihyun’s face so gently so quickly Kihyun is pretty sure he has emotional whiplash. Boner whiplash? But Changkyun looks so concerned and is holding him like he’s about to break. Kihyun is overwhelmed.

“Are you okay, Ki? Did I hurt you?” Changkyun’s eyes roam over Kihyun’s body, as if that’ll tell him what’s wrong. Kihyun laughs hoarsely.

“I was just going to cum too soon, Kyun. I’m not as into overstim as you, you weirdo.” Kihyun tries to smile, but his heart is so tight in his chest and he doesn’t know why. He pulls Changkyun into another kiss, an effective method of avoiding thinking about anything. He can feel Changkyun smiling into the kiss so he pinches the little shit in the side. Changkyun wiggles a bit, causing their hard cocks to brush against each other. Kihyun rolls his hips upwards, impatient and desperate to feel Changkyun so much closer.

“Are you sure?” Changkyun still looks at Kihyun like he’s so important. Like this maybe meant something. But then he thrusts against Kihyun’s ass and maybe Kihyun’s just overthinking when he should just be getting off.

“Yeah, I’m sure” Kihyun mumbles, pulling Changkyun’s hair a bit just to hear the little fucker moan. Changkyun drops his head to Kihyun’s chest and reaches for both the lube and condom. Kihyun does something stupid. He pushes the condom away. Changkyun looks at him, confused. “You’re clean right?”

Changkyun nods, still looking confused. Kihyun pulls him into another kiss. “I…I want you to fuck me. Without the condom.”

Kihyun’s pretty sure he can see the exact moment any remaining blood in Changkyun’s body rushes to his dick. Changkyun sputters, shakes his head, and lets his mouth flop open and closed for an embarrassing long time.

“You going to fuck me or not?”

“Jesus Christ, shouldn’t we like, talk about this first or like. What the hell.”

“We can keep the condom, I just really need your dick in me. Like. A minute ago.” Kihyun shoves the condom back into a very flustered Changkyun’s hands. It takes him a good 30 seconds before he’s ripping the package open and rolling it down his dick. Changkyun hisses a bit at the contact and looks back at Kihyun, eyes still wide. Kihyun nods and uses his legs to pull Changkyun closer. That knocks him out of his daze.

“My Kiki is still so full of surprises,” Changkyun murmurs, lips once again at Kihyun’s neck. Kihyun lets himself drop back onto the pillow when Changkyun finally pushes in. There’s the expected burn, albeit a bit stronger than normal, but it doesn’t stop Kihyun from enjoying how it feels to finally, finally, _finally_ have Changkyun back with him. It hasn’t even been that long, maybe five, six days tops since the last time they fucked. But with everything else, it feels longer.

“You feel so good. Harder, Kyun,” Kihyun cries out. He’s pretty sure his nails are digging into Changkyun’s skin, leaving marks. Kihyun hopes they sting when he showers later, dragging his nails down Changkyun’s back. That earns Kihyun a swear and a bite. But Changkyun starts fucking into him faster. One of his hands finds its way to Kihyun’s thighs and he presses it as far as he can into the mattress, testing Kihyun’s flexibility. The brat presses into the bruises there like before; Kihyun melts further, feeling himself shuddering with each press.

“Shit, Kiki. I wish you could see yourself right now.” Another hard thrust. “Am I fucking you good? Huh?” This fuckin’ brat. “Come on, tell me how good I’m fucking you, Kiki.”

Changkyun digs his fingertip into one of the more sensitive bruises and slams back into Kihyun. He’s almost near tears and he desperately wants to yell at Changkyun about being a cheeky bastard, but words are hard. So very, very, very hard. Instead he whimpers something that approximates agreement and hopes Changkyun gets the idea.

“What’s that? Didn’t quite--” Changkyun thrusts hard and deep, clearly trying to see how far he can fit in Kihyun’s body. Or something. Kihyun yelps and glares at the dumb brat. “Didn’t catch that, _hyung_.”

“Don’t-- _ah fuck!_ \--Don’t ‘hyung’ me, you--” Kihyun loses track of what he was trying to say when something about the angle changes and Changkyun grazes against his prostate. “Oh holy--oh god, yeah, right there. Don’t ch-- _fuck_!”

Changkyun smirks down at him and if that isn’t one of the hottest things Kihyun’s ever seen. The brat just looks so pleased with himself, like he was put on this earth to confuse and confound Kihyun at the most inappropriate of times. The tenderness of the kiss surprises Kihyun and makes his already racing heart stutter and pound in his chest. It’s such a contrast with the primal nature of their fucking. Kihyun feels like he’s being jerked around and he can’t find it within himself to even be mad about it. If Changkyun wants to make Kihyun feel wanted, maybe even loved, because it makes whatever their relationship is better, Kihyun could be okay with that.

It is in that moment Kihyun realizes the depths of fucked he truly is.

“‘M close,” Changkyun whimpers. Kihyun can feel his sweaty bangs tickling his neck and still his breath puffs, drying Kihyun’s sweat. Kihyun leans in and kisses Changkyun deep again. His heart feels like it’s being dragged under a huge wave and no matter how hard Kihyun tries he can’t resurface. He fucking loves it.

Changkyun jerkily strokes Kihyun, trying to keep some semblance of rhythm. Kihyun needs more, though. Changkyun’s panting into his mouth as he tries to kiss him but really wants that mouth somewhere else. On his neck, biting again, leaving another mark. Kihyun sucks on Changkyun’s lower lip and bites hard just to feel him spill into the condom.

“Ah, _fuck_ ,” glowers Changkyun. “I wanted you to cum at the same time.”

Kihyun laughs a little then whines and Changkyun pulls out. “Where are you-- _Oh_.”

He grabs the sheets and Changkyun swallows Kihyun as far as he can on his first go. The shithead lubes up his dirty hand and sticks a finger back up Kihyun’s ass, stroking around, looking for Kihyun’s prostate. As soon as he finds it, Changkyun goes back to trying to deep-throat Kihyun, making it as messy as possible. Kihyun is pretty sure spit from Changkyun is dripping down his balls to mix with the lube squelching out of his ass. His mind spins and flounders when Changkyun continues to take advantage of his new-found knowledge. One thumb is pressed into a bruise while a couple fingers brush over a few more. Kihyun’s hurtling very close to finishing when Changkyun stops sucking his cock. Before he can complain though, Changkyun applies pressure against his prostate, circle the gland quickly and bites _hard_ on one of the gnarlier looking hickies.

When Kihyun comes to, Changkyun has already wiped him down and he’s pulling on his pjs. Kihyun groans as he tries to sit up, but everything about his feels heavy. The air surrounding him and Changkyun feels different, like it’s pressing down on them. Something’s changed and Kihyun knows it’s him. He should get up. Get his clothes back on. Go home and try not to think about how maybe he’s completely fucked this up by catching goddamned awful feelings for the brat who was supposed to stay just a one night stand.

“How are you feeling?” Changkyun hands Kihyun a water bottle and a spare set of sweats. Kihyun tries not to think about the fact he is being offered Changkyun’s clothes. He gratefully drinks and tries to swing his legs over. Changkyun laughs and stops him.

“Ki, you like, blacked out or something just now. Just relax. Stay the night. It’s no biggie,” Changkyun says, tone light, but his face says it’s anything but lighthearted. “But I will fight you if you try to be little spoon.”

Kihyun weighs his options. He could stay here. He could try and make the walk home. His lower body screams in protest, as does his heart. Fuck it. If this thing is going up in flames, Kihyun’s at least going to enjoy it.

Changkyun’s already halfway to snuggling up to Kihyun when Kihyun says, “Yeah, whatever. I’m too tired anyway.” The sleepy smile that spreads across Changkyun’s face is worth it, Kihyun thinks.

Kihyun falls asleep faster than he has in the whole time he’s known Changkyun.

 

Because fate works in mysterious ways, Kihyun wakes up first. He’s groggy as hell and doesn’t understand why he’s so warm at first. But then he remembers the night before and honestly, why won’t the earth just take him to be it’s new fertilizer? Kihyun glances over to the bed only five feet away and can see that Jooheon apparently didn’t come home last night. At least there’s that. Kihyun almost resists the urge to look at Changkyun, but when he hears the little snuffle coming from the sleeping sophomore, he allows himself one peek. Just a glance. Maybe he looks stupid.

Changkyun doesn’t, of course. Kihyun’s heart leaps to his throat. Changkyun is curled around a pillow and looks so peaceful. He looks…younger, or more like his age, maybe. Before Kihyun can think anything of it, he brushes a few strands of hair out of Changkyun’s face so he can see how the younger man’s lashes cast shadows across his high cheekbones. All of the harsh edges and sass and attitude is smoothed away from Changkyun’s face and Kihyun can see clearly for maybe the first time the tenderness that flashes across Changkyun’s face in quiet moments. Kihyun knows this is probably creepy, staring at your fuck buddy while they sleep. But he also wants to do this every morning for maybe the rest of his life?

Kihyun needs to get out of here.

He somehow gets out of the tiny twin sized bed without disturbing Changkyun too much. He pulls off the sweats from Changkyun and tries to will away the heat in his face when he sees the state of his thighs. Good thing it’s finally cold so shorts will be out of the question. He’s about to pull on his shirt when Kihyun hears some rustling coming from Changkyun’s bed.

“Where’re y’ goin’?” Changkyun’s eyes are so puffy and his voice is so raspy and it’s doing things to Kihyun’s emotions. He looks so confused, like a puppy waiting for a ball that won’t come. Kihyun forces down that little tendril of guilt starting to make its way up from the pit of his stomach to his heart.

“I, uhm, I forgot I promised Hoseok and Minhyuk I’d help with cooking brunch.” Kihyun bites the inside of his cheek hoping Changkyun won’t press further. Changkyun just furrows his brow and pouts his lips. “Go back to sleep.”

Changkyun lies back down and continues to pout. Kihyun lets himself smile and leans down to kiss Changkyun. Fuck, this is not what he should be doing. He should be putting on his shirt and leaving.

“Ki, it’s so early though. Just. Sleep. More. With me.” Changkyun winds his arms around Kihyun’s bare waist and buries his face into Kihyun’s stomach. “Staaaaay. Blame me for making you late.”

“I--I can’t, I’m sorry. I gotta--” Kihyun somehow detaches himself. He swallows thickly, looking down at Changkyun. “I’ll text you later.”

Kihyun drags his shirt on and leaves without a second glance.

When he gets back to his place, Hoseok is sitting on the couch, scrolling through his phone. When he catches a glimpse of Kihyun’s expression, he drops his phone and opens his arms. Kihyun immediately burrows into his friend’s arms and covers his face.

“I fucked up. I fucked up so bad, Hoseok,” whines Kihyun. Hoseok makes soothing sounds and rubs his hands up and down Kihyun’s back. Kihyun realizes he’s stopped shaking; he wasn’t even aware he had been shaking in the first place.

“What happened,” Hoseok’s soothing voice coaxes. Kihyun doesn’t need to see his friend’s face to know he’s giving Kihyun a look of sympathy.

“We fucked. And then I _fell asleep_ in _his bed_ after. That’s breaking, like, my first rule. And then I panicked and came back here instead of staying in bed and cuddling him and making breakfast with him and--” Kihyun cuts himself off with a groan.

“Oh boy.”

“Is that all you have to say? That’s not very comforting.” Kihyun shoots a glare at Hoseok. Hoseok sighs.

“Kihyun. You know what you need to be doing, don’t you?”

“...But I don’t want to do that.”

“I know. But if you don’t--”

“ _I know_.”

“I’m serious, Kihyun. I don’t wanna see you hurt like that again. And you’re letting all that hold you back from someone you clearly want to be with.” Hoseok runs a hand through Kihyun’s hair. He makes a face, but thankfully keeps his comments to himself. “You’re letting that hang over you and it’s been over three years now.”

“God, I know, Hoseok.” Kihyun’s tempted to throw a mini-tantrum and shove Hoseok away and stomp to his room and not leave until he felt too guilty. He doesn't. Instead he just holds his head in his hands and hopes he doesn't cry or something else equally embarrassing.

“Have you spoken with Yoongi at all? Maybe just for closu--”

“Obviously I haven't. Seokkie, I really don't want to talk about him.” Kihyun stares at his knees. He needs a shower. He feels crusty and his skin feels like paper stretched across his skin. He almost jumps when Hoseok rests a comforting hand on his thigh.

“I know but. Kihyun, you know none of what happened back then was your fault. The only person who keeps thinking that is you.” Kihyun crinkles his nose.

“I know.” Kihyun can hear the doubt coming from Hoseok. “I _do_ , Hoseok. And I don't. Blame myself. Anymore.”

Kihyun leans back against the couch and closes his eyes. It's been so long since he's seen his first boyfriend. And it was all so stupid anyway. Kihyun knew what he was getting into and yet he rushed headlong into something he wasn't ready for. He's fine, now. Really. He's just. Cautious.

Maybe he doesn't need to be with Changkyun.

Kihyun really likes Changkyun. He's able to admit that now. He doesn't know what Changkyun thinks or wants, but maybe Kihyun should just go for it. They've already been fucking for so long now. Kihyun hasn't been interested in anyone else, even when presented with other options. He's not sure about Changkyun, but--

Kihyun slaps himself when remembers what Changkyun said last night. Hoseok makes a small surprised sound but otherwise doesn't comment. _Haven't had to use it because they usually fuck at yours._ Changkyun hasn't been fucking other people. At least that's what Kihyun thinks he meant. Shit. That’s a scary thought.

But everyone seems to be in agreement over how it seems Changkyun feels. Maybe Kihyun should ask Jooheon. The guy knows Changkyun better than anyone.

Hoseok pats his leg, maybe to get Kihyun’s attention. Kihyun glances back to his friend. Hoseok cocks an eyebrow. Kihyun sticks his tongue out.

“Can I shower before we keep talking?” I probably smell like regret and sex.” Hoseok laughs and smacks Kihyun.

“Honestly I thought you'd never ask. Go. Get clean, you filthy sinner.” Hoseok swats Kihyun’s ass and Kihyun makes an exaggerated pained noise.

As he strips, Kihyun mulls over everything again. There really hasn't been any indication that Changkyun maybe likes Kihyun too, but there also hasn't been anything saying the opposite was true either. They were both being distant recently, maybe for the same reasons.

Kihyun accidentally brushes against one of his many bruises and lets out a surprised hiss. His cock jumps a little and he flushes. Honestly, could he not have an erection while having an emotional epiphany? That'd be great.

He leans against the tile, letting the stream drip down his back. He wonders if Changkyun is awake now. If he's eaten or taken a shower.

Kihyun closes his eyes, trying to massage the conditioner deeper into his scalp. The steam does wonders for his pounding heart and helps clear his head. There's a lot that Kihyun is still unsure of, but what he hopes for is no longer one of them.

To be honest, walking out of the bathroom in only his towel was probably a mistake, considering Hoseok at minimum is in the living room. He has to pass the doorway to get to his room and as Kihyun passes he hears a very emphatic, “Holy shit.” Kihyun frowns and turns to the voice. Sitting on the couches are, of course, his roommates, Hoseok and, weirdly, Jooheon. Kihyun raises an eyebrow.

“Bro. Bro, did Changkyun do that to you? What the fuck?” Jooheon wobbled to his feet and came up to Kihyun. His eyes are wide and his fingers hover over Kihyun’s chest. Kihyun narrows his eyes, trying to figure out what the fuck--Oh right.

Kihyun slaps Jooheon’s hand away. “Guess that answers the question of why you didn't go back to your room last night.”

Jooheon turns a bright red and glowers a little. Hyungwon looks amused and Minhyuk giggles a little. Hoseok is a human question mark.

“I _tried_ to go home but I could hear your gross moaning from outside,” snaps Jooheon. “Hyungwon and Minhyuk very kindly let me crash on their floor.”

“While we fucked in front of him,” Minhyuk cheerily adds. Hyungwon doubles over laughing while Kihyun’s skin crawls. Hoseok looks baffled, but not surprised and poor Jooheon looks like his life just ended.

“They didn't! I swear they didn't that's so gross I don't wan--”

“I'm. I'm gunna just go put on clothes.” Kihyun puts on foot in front of the other and hightailed it into his room. He needs clothes. And food. And Jooheon is here. This is his chance to ask him about Changkyun. He just. Needs some mind bleach first. To get rid of that terrible, awful, no good image.

He shimmies into his coziest clothes and braves his roommates. Hoseok is in front of the stove, flipping pancakes while Jooheon hovers behind him, watching with the kind of intensity a dog might wait for treats. Hyungwon is directing Minhyuk on the best way to dice onions while Minhyuk happily ignores him and continues dicing the onions in the most haphazard way Kihyun has ever seen. Somehow Hyungwon still looks so incredibly fond as he watches the disaster unfold.

Kihyun’s chest clenches; he wishes that was him and Changkyun.

“Are you making your favorite pancake recipe,” Kihyun teases as he hooks his chin onto Hoseok’s shoulder. Hoseok giggles in that way he does.

“Don’t shit on my girl Martha. There’s a reason she’s been around forever.”

“Hey, you know I’d never say shit about your bae. Plus, Snoop loves her.”

“Who…who are you guys even talking about?” Jooheon’s eyebrows are pinched together. Hoseok giggles again. Kihyun moves so he’s facing Jooheon and grins fondly at the still giggling Hoseok.

“Hoseokkie here has a massive food boner for Martha Stewart.”

Jooheon frowns more after hearing what Kihyun said. “And by Snoop you mean Snoop Dogg, right?”

“Yep,” Kihyun chirps before opening the oven and letting Hoseok deposit some of the pancakes onto an already sizeable stack inside. Jooheon makes a strained sort of sound, something between understanding and complete bafflement. Hoseok pulls Kihyun into his side and plants a wet kiss onto Kihyun’s temple.

“Kihyunnie, will you make me some coffee like you used to?” Hoseok bats his lashes. Kihyun coos and then pushes Hoseok’s face away from his own.

“You know Hyungwon’s the better barista.” Kihyun’s already twisting away and grabbing the supplies. He can see Hoseok shrug out of the corner of his eye.

“Yeah, but it means _so_ much more when you make it for me.” Hoseok bats his lashes again and smiles so sweetly Kihyun can feel a new cavity forming. Kihyun rolls his eyes as he squats down to dig their stove top kettle out and the apparatus for the pour over.

“Shameless. What would the boy from last night think if he knew?” Kihyun raises an eyebrow at his best friend, but it’s quickly joined by the other when he sees the pink dusting Hoseok’s cheeks. Well, that’s a conversation for later.

Jooheon clears his throat with a cough. The younger student looks uncomfortable, like he’s witnessing something he shouldn’t. “How…how long have you guys known each other?”

“Mmm, probably just under, what, five years now? Right, Kihyunnie?”

Kihyun rocks back on his heels. He thinks about it as he watches the water from the tap fill the kettle. He tallies off the years on his fingers. “Six years. It’s been six? Years.”

Kihyun can hear Hoseok counting off on his fingers and then he makes a little sound of surprise when he comes to the same conclusion. “Well shit. And I still can’t shake you.”

“Jooheonnie, would you like the best damned cup of coffee you’ve ever had instead of the ungrateful swine who just disrespected my friendship?”

Jooheon’s eyes darts between the two friends; Hoseok yelling at Kihyun and Kihyun resolutely ignoring him. “I think…I do? But I’m also scared he’d crush me with his thighs.”

“I only crush people when they ask for it, my dear young one,” Hoseok says matter-of-factly. He’s got a dangerous little glint in his eye and Kihyun isn’t sure if he should save Jooheon or not.

“O…kay? Y’all are weird. And I need caffeine.” Jooheon rubs his eyes and hoists himself onto the counter across from Hoseok and Kihyun. Hyungwon walks into the kitchen with a very proud Minhyuk trailing behind him.

“When you’re done, Minhyuk would like to make omelettes.” Hyungwon places the bowl next to Hoseok’s pancake batter. Minhyuk peers over Kihyun’s shoulder at the two mugs awaiting coffee.

“Are you making your famous coffee, Ki?” Minhyuk sniffs the air and lets out a small pleased sound. Kihyun grins. “Wonnie, babe, could you make me some of your coffee?”

“Anything you want, baby.” Hyungwon swoops in and gives Minhyuk a kiss. A three of the remaining guys gag simultaneously. Hyungwon flips them all off and Kihyun again is struck by how much he wants what Hyungwon and Minhyuk have with Changkyun. He glances over at Jooheon, who has a thoughtful expression on his face as he watches Kihyun. When he realizes that Kihyun’s caught him, Jooheon just looks up at the ceiling and scratches his nape.

“Hey Jooheon, can you help me set the table?” Kihyun hands the other man a stack of plates and gives him a pointed look. Jooheon just nods and follows Kihyun to the table. Kihyun takes a deep breath. Jooheon keeps glancing at him, clearly waiting for Kihyun to start the conversation.

“Uhm, I kind of.” Kihyun puts a fork down with a little more force than he intends. “I think--”

“Oh my god, dude. Just spit it out.” Jooheon looks exasperated. “I swear, you and Changkyun are so fuckin’ constipated.”

“Uhm? I--I’m not constipated?” Kihyun blinks. Maybe he isn’t ready for this. Jooheon rolls his eyes and places his last plate.

“Sure you’re not. Bro. All I know is that Changkyun stresses about what you think more than he stresses about his writing. And he’s _always_ stressing about his writing.” Jooheon walks away from Kihyun then, as if he hadn’t just given some vague ass answer that was definitely going to haunt Kihyun. Hoseok puts the tower of pancakes down.

“Am I…constipated?” Hoseok frowns at Kihyun’s question.

“That…seems like a personal problem? Unless we’re talking emotionally, then god, _yeah_ , you really are. You need to work on that.” Hoseok pulls a chair out for himself and settles in as they wait for the rest of the group. Jooheon brings in the mugs of coffee and sits next to Hoseok, nose buried in his phone. Kihyun realizes he hasn’t checked his phone in a while. And had left it in the bathroom. Kihyun is a very smart person. Before he’s able to get up and retrieve his phone, Hyungwon and Minhyuk bring out the bacon and eggs. Kihyun’s phone will have to wait.

Jooheon dips out before they start cleaning, making some flimsy excuse about plans. Kihyun doesn’t blame him. He wishes he could get out of dishes, but at least they have a dishwasher for anything that’s not a pot or pan. Kihyun’s mind wanders, thinking about what it could be like if he was honest with Changkyun. Jooheon said Kihyun stresses Changkyun out. Is that a good thing? It doesn’t really sound like it. But…Jooheon also said that Changkyun stresses about him the same way he stresses about his writing. And Changkyun loves his writing. But that’s not quite great either? Kihyun doesn’t want to stress Changkyun out. Even if Changkyun stresses Kihyun out. Why are feelings so hard?

Kihyun briefly contemplates drowning himself in the gross, soapy water in the sink.

“You left your phone in the bathroom,” Hyungwon announces before shoving it in Kihyun’s face. “Looks like your boyfriend’s been trying to get a hold of you.”

Kihyun scrambles to dry his hands while simultaneously unlocking his phone. He’s got a bunch of new messages from Changkyun. Kihyun checks when they were sent and the current time and swears. It’s been at least two hours since the last message.

**From: Brat (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)**  
Hey what’re you doing? Wanna get lunch  
_Received 12:17PM_  
Or coffee since Jooheon said you guys just finished eating.  
_Received 12:18PM_

**From: Brat (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)**  
Uhhh guess you’re busy lol. Offer still stands?  
_Received 12:32PM_

**From: Brat (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)**  
Jooheon just scared himself walking into the bathroom. Why am I friends with him  
_Received 12:50PM_

**From: Brat (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)**  
Do you think the blowfish that makes those giant sand mandalas ever finds love?  
_Received 1:08PM_

**From: Brat (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)**  
Dude. Duuuude. My beautiful Kiki. Imagine if David Attenborough or whoever the fuck narrated your life.  
_Received 1:20PM_  
IMAGINE HIM NARRATING US FUCKIN.  
_Received 1:20PM_

**From: Brat (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)**  
Jooheon jus cried about a fuckin humpback whale.  
_Received 1:35PM_

**To: Brat (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)**  
How high are you?  
_Sent 3:00PM_

**From: Brat (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)**  
As the galapagos my beautiful starfish  
_Received 3:01PM_

**To: Brat (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)**  
I don’t even know what that could possibly mean.  
_Sent 3:05PM_  
But coffee sounds great. Later? Maybe a beer instead?  
_Sent 3:06_

**From: Brat (Aubergine ≊ Eggplant)(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)**  
Anything for you my beautiful octopus  
_Received 3:07PM_

It’s almost the end of fall break. Hoseok leaves in a couple days and so they find themselves at another bar. Kihyun’s drunk. He’s well and truly drunk and all he wants is to go find Changkyun and kiss him until they’re both drunk. Kihyun frowns. That’s…not how getting drunk works. Whatever. Kihyun needs more beer.

“More beer!” Kihyun knows he’s probably yelling louder than strictly necessary but Hoseok is laughing and hanging off of a tall man. The man dutifully pours Kihyun another pint from their pitcher. “Good man. Hoseokkie, keep this one. He has better arms than you.”

Kihyun pokes the other man’s bicep who blushes and giggles nervously. Hoseok is petting his other arm and has a lazy smile. The man leans down and kisses Hoseok and Kihyun takes that as his cue to leave. He searches the crowd for a familiar face and lands on Jooheon.

Kihyun makes his way over and attacks Jooheon in a bear hug. He screams into Jooheon’s ear, “Joohoney! My bro! My most wonderful bro!”

“Kihyun! What the hell! Why are we yelling!” Jooheon’s laughing and that’s when Kihyun notices the other guy with him. He’s also laughing, like this is the funniest shit he’s ever seen and not awkward as fuck.

“Oh shit! I’m Kihyun. Are you on a date?” Fuck, maybe he shouldn’t have asked that. Now it’s more awkward. Jooheon turns bright red. Well, that answers that question. The other guy just keeps a smile and looks fondly at Jooheon.

“Yeah, but no worries! I know I’ve got plenty of time with Jooheon later.” The guy pinches Jooheon’s cheek and Jooheon absolutely melts. That’s a new one. This guy has kind of an accent. Interesting. “I’m Jackson! Nice to meet you Kihyun.”

Kihyun puts on his best smile. But if Jooheon is on a date--

“Where’s Changkyun?” Kihyun doesn’t miss the way Jooheon rolls his eyes. Jackson blinks like he’s trying to place what these words mean. And then he snaps and claps.

“AH! _You’re_ that Kihyun! The one that Changkyun always talks about.” Jackson beams. Kihyun wonders when he became friends with so many people who look like puppies when they’re happy.

“Kyunnie is home. Why, you finally got your head outta your ass? Gunna make my roommate an honest woman?” Jooheon pokes Kihyun in the side. Kihyun squeaks and smacks Jooheon.

“What if I am?” Jooheon stares at Kihyun like Kihyun had just said the most profound thing.

“Holy shit, the day has come.” Jooheon turns to Jackson and yells, “Tell that fucker Hyungwon he owes me $20!” Jackson laughs and nods along.

“No, really, I wanna tell him. I’m so fucked, Joohoney. He’s just--” Kihyun waves his hands around and then sighs wistfully.

“First off, please stop calling me that. Secondly, we are all aware of how fucked you both are. _Please_ put us all out of our misery and go tell him.” Jooheon holds Kihyun by the shoulder and gives him a grave look. Kihyun nods.

“He’s at home,” Jackson helpfully pipes in. “And no one else is in the suite. The perfect time.”

Kihyun nods again. He’s ready. Totally ready. He’s totally not going to vomit or anything thinking about telling Changkyun how he feels. He finds Hoseok and pulls his friend into a bear hug.

“I’m gunna go get my man!” Kihyun shakes Hoseok a little by the shoulders, feeling a little delirious with nerves. Hoseok laughs and pats Kihyun on the back.

“Good luck and godspeed, my young friend.”

Kihyun stumbles to Changkyun’s dorm, thankful it’s not very far away. He mashes the elevator button, feeling his fingertips tingle with excitement. He’s going to do it. He’s going to tell Changkyun how he feels and then maybe kiss him and maybe they’ll spend the night together again and Kihyun won’t feel weird about it the next morning because Changkyun will feel the same way.

A little voice tries to remind him that maybe Changkyun doesn’t feel the same way, but Kihyun decides tonight is not the night he will give into such negativity.

He walks the familiar hall and up to Changkyun’s suite. Kihyun raises his hand, hesitates, but ultimately let’s himself knock. He rocks back and forth on his heels, gnawing a bit on his lip. He hears Changkyun rummaging around behind the door before it swings open to reveal--

“Oh for fucks sake!” Kihyun can’t believe who’s in front of him. It’s that guy--Hyunwoo? Whatever his name was. He’s standing there, cheeks kinda flushed, shirtless, a light layer of sweat on his chest. “What was I even thinking? Of course he’s not alone, not when he could have someone like you here!”

“Uhm,” the guy starts, his voice much higher than Kihyun expected. “Can I help you?”

“Nope. Not needed. All good.” Kihyun looks the man up and down. _Shit_ , he’s so hot. Why was Changkyun even keeping Kihyun around when he’s got this guy?

“God, seriously. Beefcake. Just. Wow.” Kihyun gestures at Hyunwoo again. “Are you even real?” Kihyun doesn’t think twice before poking the guy’s pec.

“Uh, I’d appreciate if you didn’t poke my chest?”

“Oh, right,” Kihyun giggles. “That’s kind of rude of me.”

Kihyun and Hyunwoo stand there for a beat, clearly assessing each other. This guy is tall. Looks like he could pick up Changkyun and throw him across a room. Hell, he could probably throw both Kihyun _and_ Changkyun across a room at the same goddamn time. He probably could bench press Changkyun onto his face, no problem. Kihyun shakes his head. This is a weird train of thought to be having.

“I--Ah, I’ll just.” Kihyun reaches for the door handle. Hyunwoo moves out of the way, perplexed and is that amusement? Maybe. Doesn’t matter. “Gotta go.”

Kihyun slams the door shut, leaving himself in the hall, alone.

Kihyun faintly hears, “What the fuck” through the door and then he’s turning on his heel and stomping back the way he came.

He feels like a total idiot. Here he was, ready to finally confront his feelings and make himself vulnerable for the first time in years, but Changkyun’s already finding other ways to entertain himself. For all Kihyun knows that guy was someone Changkyun was already interested and Kihyun really was a placeholder like he always feared.

God, Kihyun is pathetic.

He taps his foot while he waits for the shitty elevator to finally make it up to him. Maybe he should just take the stairs. He hears someone running down the hall and when he turns to see who it is, he’s surprised it’s not the guy he’d just maybe assaulted.

“Kihyun!” Kihyun freezes and stares at a panting Changkyun. His hair is a little damp and he’s in his softest looking hoodie and Kihyun is so, so weak. “Hyunwoo-hyung said you were here and acting weird. Is everything okay?”

Changkyun looks so fucking soft and concerned. Kihyun barely registers what Changkyun is saying until he hears “Hyunwoo-hyung.”

“Yeah, I’m fine, just dandy. Go back to your _hyung_ ,” Kihyun slurs. Shit, that last beer is finally catching up to him. “Go, uh, I’m fine.”

“Ki, you’re clearly not.” Changkyun takes his hand and peers into Kihyun’s face. “Come on, let me get you some water.”

Kihyun shakes his head and pouts like a child. “I’m fine. I’ll get a cab. I can walk.”

Kihyun pulls away and tries to take a step. He wobbles, then stumbles. Changkyun catches him and pulls him close. He smells like a shower and Kihyun finds himself melting into Changkyun’s arms. The elevator dings from behind them and when it opens, Changkyun lets out a little surprised sound.

“Cute,” mutters Kihyun.

“Uhhh, hi Jessica,” Changkyun says. Oh shit. Jessica. Changkyun’s RA. Shitshitshit, pull yourself together Kihyun. Wait, he can totally be drunk in front of her. But Changkyun’s already pulling him down the hall as Jessica peers after them.

 

Kihyun wakes up the next morning warm in a bed much too small to be his own. His mouth has that wonderful post drinking taste and his stomach gurgles angrily at him. He remembers Changkyun bringing him back to his dorm after running into Changkyun’s RA. He remembers Changkyun forcing him to drink water as Kihyun tried to convince him that he was fine and should go home. But after that, it’s all kind of fuzzy. He thinks shirtless beefcake was there.

Oh fuck, what if he spilled everything to Changkyun while he was drunk? Oh god. That is not how he wanted it to go. He rubs his eyes and lets out a loud breath. God, Kihyun is an idiot.

He peers around the room, confirming that it is indeed Changkyun’s dorm. Jooheon’s bed is empty. Guess his date went well then.

Kihyun swings his legs over the bed and walks slowly to the door into the hall. He pokes his head around the corner and immediately his stomach drops. Changkyun is lying on the couch with his head in Hyunwoo’s lap. The big, beefy guy is gently running fingers through Changkyun’s messy hair. The little shit has the happiest smile on his face as he stretches like a cat and snuggles further into Hyunwoo.

Kihyun pulls his head back into the hallway and squeezes his eyes shut. Okay. Okay, he can deal with this. He knew this would happen. He just let everyone talk him into believing that Changkyun really cared about him. This is fine. It’s all fine. Kihyun’s been through this before, he can get through it again.

He takes a deep breath and walks into the room. Changkyun scrambles to his feet and reaches for him. Kihyun gently removes his hand and refuses to look at him.

“Uh, sorry for ruining your night. I’m sure babysitting my drunk ass wasn’t what you were hoping for,” mutters Kihyun. He fiddles with the hem of his shirt. His heart feels like that beefcake is squeezing as hard as he can. “I’ll just. I’ll see myself out.”

“Ki, wait.” Changkyun grabs Kihyun’s hand, trying to pull him back. Kihyun jerks his hand away again, fighting to stay calm. Hyunwoo just sits on the couch, silent, watching. Why is Kihyun even still here? Changkyun has upgraded, he doesn’t need Kihyun to help alleviate sexual frustration.

“Look, I’m fine. You know I’m fine, Kyunnie. Sorry again.” Kihyun directs his last statement at Hyunwoo, who’s standing up and throwing a large duffle bag over his shoulder.

“I think the two of you have, uh,” Hyunwoo starts nervously. “I think the two of you have some things to chat about.”

Hyunwoo bolts out the door without even a second look back. Kihyun groans and looks up at the ceiling. He must have said something. So _stupid_. This is why Kihyun does not fuck with feelings. They always lead to hardship.

“Hyunwoo-hyung’s right. We need to talk, Ki.” Changkyun reaches out again and interlaces their fingers. Kihyun stares at them, hates how much he loves how that looks, and then pulls his hand away.

“No, we don’t. You don’t want to fuck anymore because you found someone better,” Kihyun says. He knows his shoulders are sagging. He feels defeated. He waited too long and this is what happens. It’s what always happens. “It’s fine. We’re fine. Like, I’m sure _Hyunwoo-hyung_ is so much better than me in every respect.”

“What? _What?_ You think--No, Ki, that’s not at all--” Changkyun snaps and tries to make Kihyun look at him. Kihyun shakes his head and tastes a little bit of bile at the back of his throat.

“Changkyun, it’s fine. This was never going to last anyway, it’s not like you’re looking to date, especially not someone like me. Jesus, seriously. It’s been fun. Might as well end it now--”

“Oh my god, how are you this fucking dense?” Changkyun shakes Kihyun now. “Hyunwoo is just a friend, Kiki! I’ve known him since I was like, eight! He’s, like--like. Like a big brother or dad or something.”

“Yeah, but things change.” Kihyun will not pout. He will not be swayed by the beautiful man shaking him violently. “The two of you seem really chummy.”

“Yeah, and? You and that _Hoseok_ seem really chummy too. Hell, I’m ‘chummy’ with most of my friends. Are you jealous of fuckin’ _Jooheon_ , too?”

“Well, not _anymore_. But. Like. Hoseok is just a friend! He’s too hot for me anyway.”

“That’s a conversation for another time, but what the fuck, you were jealous of Jooheon? My bro? Like--”

“He fucking does _aegyo_ to cheer you up. Like, _aegyo_ , Changkyun.” Kihyun flicks Changkyun’s forehead. “Who _does_ that? Of course I was jealous. And Hyunwoo is so hot--”

Changkyun lets out the most frustrated sound Kihyun thinks he’s ever heard. “Why am I falling in love with an actual moron? Why?”

“I’m not--” Kihyun’s brain catches up to what Changkyun just said. Changkyun’s eyes are wide and terrified. “Did you just--”

“I mean. Just. I didn’t. Can we pretend I didn’t say that.”

“No fucking way. Did you just--”

“No. No, I didn’t.” Changkyun tries to shake Kihyun off.

“You fucking did. You--You _like_ me? Like, as in, _like like_? Holy shit, Changkyun.”

“Shut up. I know you have weird issues with feelings, okay?” Changkyun successfully extracts himself from Kihyun’s grip. “But, yeah, I stupidly fell for you. Just. If you’re not into me like that it’s whatever, but yeah, I’m fuckin’ crazy ‘bout you.”

“Oh my god,” Kihyun breathes. He’s died and gone to heaven. Changkyun Lim likes him back. Changkyun Lim, little shit and brat, has romantic _feelings_ for Kihyun.

Kihyun finally allows himself to make eye contact with Changkyun. He’s nervous, hands picking at his cheek. But he looks hopeful. Kihyun reaches forward. Pulls Changkyun close. And kisses him.

At first it seems Changkyun is shocked at this new development, but he quickly begins kissing back. They’ve done this so many times but Kihyun enjoys it more now. It helps that knowing his feelings are returned. He lets himself fully open up to Changkyun and feels the other man melt into him. When they pull apart, Changkyun’s eyes are dancing. Kihyun wants them to stay like that forever.

“So, uh, I’m guessing you…feel the same?”

Kihyun nods and Changkyun brings him back in for another kiss. Kihyun can feel him smiling and it feels like he’s soaring again, but this time he’s not worried about crashing. Changkyun runs his hands up and over Kihyun’s back, letting his hands drift down again to pull Kihyun closer by the hips.

“Say it, tell me how you feel,” the cheeky asshole mutters into Kihyun’s lips. Kihyun pretends to be exasperated, but he can’t keep the smile off his face.

“Changkyun Lim, I like you. A lot. Even though you’re a brat.” Kihyun leans in for another kiss but Changkyun pulls away.

“Nuh uh. Give me better than that.”

“Are you serious.”

“As a heart attack,” Changkyun sings. Kihyun giggles and sneaks a kiss. Changkyun smiles so wide his dimple shows and, wow, is Kihyun fucked.

“Changkyun of House Lim, first of his name, slayer of hearts, master of brattiness, I do declare my romantic feelings for thee. Do you accept me as your suitor?” Kihyun sways the two of them gently, trying to keep a serious face. Changkyun, on the other hand, snickers the whole time.

“I would if you got on your knees.” Even Changkyun seems surprised by that, but Kihyun is more happy to oblige. He sinks to his knees and holds Changkyun by his hips.

“Is this dramatic enough for you? Will you forgive me being a total idiot and be my boyfriend?”

Changkyun hums, thinking it over. Kihyun’s positive he’ll say yes, but his heart still leaps to his throat. Then he breaks into another heart stopping smile and says, “Yeah, I guess.”

They fall into Changkyun’s bed, laughing and teasing. It all feels so natural. Even if they have been doing this for months, it feels new and different and so much better. Changkyun’s more sensitive than normal and each gasp sends jolts of want through Kihyun.

Changkyun flips Kihyun onto his back and grinds their groins together. He runs his hands lightly over Kihyun’s torso, making Kihyun shiver. Kihyun feels like he’s crossfaded; the inside of his head feels like jello and his body is heavy, powerless to Changkyun’s touches. Changkyun’s kissing Kihyun with a hunger and each movement down becomes more insistent. One of his hands snakes down to Kihyun’s thighs and presses into the fading bruises there. Kihyun lets out something between a hiss and a whine.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about last time,” Changkyun admits with a sigh. He licks and sucks at Kihyun’s neck and Kihyun runs his nails down Changkyun’s spine. He shudders under Kihyun’s hands. “May have jerked off thinking about the sounds you made.”

“Fuckin’ shameless, aren’t you?” Kihyun knows he’s blushing though. “Remember how you said you want me to cum on your ass?”

“Shit, yeah I do. Are you going to do that now?” Changkyun ruts against him and continues mouthing at Kihyun’s collarbones.

“Mmm, if you want.” Kihyun searches for lube and condoms. He feels Changkyun nod against his skin. He laces the fingers of his free hand through Changkyun’s hair and pulls his face up so they’re eye to eye. “Use your words, baby.”

Changkyun’s eyes flutter closed and he lets out a low groan. “ _Yes_ , please.”

“Please, what,” Kihyun mutters, still looking for the lube. He lets his grip tighten a little just to feel Changkyun’s hips jerk a little.

“Shit, please cum on my ass, Ki.”

“Good boy.” Kihyun lets go of Changkyun and his hand finally lands on the bottle. “Turn around and let me see that cute little ass of yours.”

Changkyun shuffles so his cock grazes Kihyun’s chest and presents himself to Kihyun. Kihyun warms the lube on his fingers and teasingly presses against Changkyun’s rim. When Changkyun wiggles his butt, Kihyun smacks it. Changkyun yelps, but presses back for more. Kihyun sinks a finger in, watching Changkyun’s rim contract before relaxing and letting him press further in. Kihyun runs his nails down Chankyun’s back, enjoying how he clenches around his finger.

“Did you like it when I scratched you?” Kihyun gently presses a second finger in, watching in fascination how Changkyun’s cock sways with every movement.

“Yeah,” Changkyun bites out. “It stung in the shower. I had to jerk off ‘cause it turned me on so much.”

“Mmm, interesting.” Kihyun presses down on Changkyun’s prostate while scratching along his spine. Changkyun groans and falls to one arm. “I’ll have to keep that in mind, I guess.”

Maybe their first fuck after finally confessing should be softer, kinder, more loving, but Kihyun can’t bring himself to be slow when he finally enters Changkyun. He does wait for Changkyun to give him the okay, but they both are so desperate. It does feel different, emotionally anyway. Like neither was holding something back. Changkyun is even more responsive than before, whining and begging without Kihyun needing to prompt him.

They end up cumming together and collapsing onto Changkyun’s bed, chests heaving and hearts full. Changkyun strokes Kihyun’s cheek, smile never wavering.

“You know, I was convinced that you’d never get your head out of your ass,” Changkyun finally says. Kihyun grunts and bites his hand.

“Yeah, well, I am not a smart hand.” Kihyun brings Changkyun’s hand to his lips and gives it a gentle kiss. “Besides, I thought you didn’t do dating.”

“I just said that because I was scared.” Changkyun snuggles closer. Kihyun’s heart swells.

“We’re both idiots, huh?”

“Mmm, yeah. But you’re the bigger idiot. I wasn’t doing much to hide how I felt.”

Kihyun thinks back, recounts everything they’ve been through. Now that he isn’t blinded by doubt, he can see what Changkyun means. He really wasn’t hiding how he felt. God, Kihyun really is an idiot.

“Well. I got there in the end, didn’t I?” Kihyun kisses the top of Changkyun’s head, who just giggles and bites him. They cuddle in silence for awhile, enjoying being able to finally do this and not worry about what it meant to the other. Kihyun can feel the edges of his hangover starting to creep in, but that can wait until later.

For now, they have lost time to catch up on.

**Author's Note:**

> and then they drove to in n out and stuffed their faces with the finest burgers money can buy. true story.
> 
> fun fact: the dude wonho was seducing at the end is kyungil from history.
> 
> as always, feel free to find me on your local trashsites: [twitter](https://twitter.com/swsonyeondan) or [tumblr](http://seonweon-sonyeondan.tumblr.com/ask)


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